The great cheese liberation
THE CLOCK ticks. The count-down begins. Tomorrow will be the first day of spring. It is also the start of the month in which Andile Lungisa, of the National Youth Development Agency, will close every street in South Africa and take the cheese from people's fridges.
It's nice to know we've still got a few people around with get-up-and-go. Andile doesn't dither. Not long ago he was hosting the World Youth Conference Against Imperialism (at a cost of a mere R55 million). In Cape Town recently he was lambasting the ANC government, young black professionals, African leaders, the Democratic Alliance, Afriforum and the "Stellenbosch mafia".
The lad knows how to use a scattergun. It's particularly pleasing that he has the Stellenbosch mafia in his sights. These effete pseudo-intellectuals have been getting away with it for too long, savouring the bouquet of their cabernet while they plot their plundering of the nation via the stock exchange.
No, he doesn't dither. From tomorrow he starts closing South Africa's streets. "In September, we are going to close every street in South Africa," he told the same meeting in Cape Town. "If there is a cheese in your fridge, they are going to take it." (Suggestion: When they close the streets in Stellenbosch, they should take not just the cheese from the fridges of the mafia, they should take the caviar and muscadel as well.)
Andile Lungisa is the man. His surname means "fix things up". He means business, none of this foot-dragging we see so much of these days. He's Action Man. First the World Youth Conference Against Imperialism, now the great Cheese Liberation. The National Youth Development Agency costs the taxpayer R350 million a year, but it's worth every cent.
Strength to his elbow! He's welcome to the contents of my fridge any time. Not cheese – beer.
They said it
SOME deft sayings by prominent people:
| · Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin…"- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
· I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."- Eleanor Roosevelt · · Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain
· The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible - George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
. By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.- Socrates
· I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
· My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante <><> · I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.- Zsa Zsa Gabor
· Money can't buy you happiness. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.- Spike Milligan
· I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - W C Fields <><> · We could certainly slow the ageing process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers <><> · Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.- Winston Churchill <><>
| ||
|
Tailpiece
THE BLONDE trainee air hostess books into the stopover hotel along with the rest of the aircrew. Next morning when they assemble to take the bus to the airport, she's missing. The captain dials her cellphone.
"I can't get out of the bedroom," she wails. "There are only three doors. One is to the bathroom, one is to the closet and the third one has a sign saying: 'Do not disturb'."
Last word
Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?
No comments:
Post a Comment