The count-down starts
IT'S THE FINAL count-down. The eyes of the world are on the Land of the Long White Nightshirt. The bookies say it will be New Zealand and Australia in the final. But there's many a slip twixt cup and lip. Rugby is an unpredictable game played with an awkwardly bouncing oval ball. Anything can happen. Its fluctuations are fickle as those of battle.
Will the French once again prove the Kiwis' nemesis? (And in that case will their government fall?) Can Pieter de Villiers's tactic of rush defence and skop en donder show itself to be viable in the modern game? It's all still got to shake out.
Meanwhile, the mind games are beginning, much of the action in cyberspace. A shot of an All Black bra that uplifts but fails to adequately cover is captioned: "Lot's of support but no cup!"
Another has a black T-shirt with the All Blacks' silver fern. Emblazoned on the T-shirt is a giant white hand reaching at the wearer's throat. The shirt also bears the words: "Chokers – 1991, 1995, 1999, 2003, 2007, 2011 ..."
This is deadly stuff. One gets the feeling that, even though we're the current holders and defenders, it's the Kiwis who are under psychological pressure.
For the gals
THE INTERNATIONAL Rugby Board has issued a World Cup rule book directed at women:
· From September 9 to October 23, read the sports section so you are aware of what is going on and will be able to join in conversations.
· During the World Cup, the television is his, the VCR and DVD are his at all times, without exception.
· If you have to pass in front of the TV during a game, do it crawling on the floor and without
distracting him.
· During games he will be blind, deaf and mute unless requiring a refill of drink or food. He will not listen to you, open the door or answer the telephone.
· Keep at least two six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on.
· If he's upset because his team is losing, DO NOT say: "Get over it, it's only a game" or: "Don't worry, they'll win next time". Words of encouragement can lead to break-up and divorce.
· By all means sit and talk to him at half-time – but only if the half-time score is pleasing.
· Replays of tries scored are vitally important. Do not question the same try being replayed dozens of times.
· The World Cup highlights on TV every night are just as important as the games themselves. Do not so much as think of challenging this.
The IRB are to be congratulated on this far-sighted initiative on behalf of domestic harmony. Rugby is a game for the whole family.
More mind games
WALES coach Warren Gatland is also into the mind games. He says the Boks don't really play rugby, relying on penalties and drop goals. Wales, he believes, have ironed out their failure to end games "clinically".
Clinically? He must surely mean "surgically". Clinical action in medicine means diagnostics.
Maybe on Monday Gatland will give his diagnosis of what went wrong against the Boks. Wales are a side who just might be susceptible to skop en donder.
Tailpiece
Rugby player: "Doctor, doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?"
Doctor: "I don't know, but your eyesight's perfect."
Last word
In our country, true teams rarely exist . . . social barriers and personal ambitions have reduced athletes to dissolute cliques or individuals thrown together for mutual profit . . . Yet these rugby players, with their muddied, cracked bodies, are struggling to hold onto a sense of humanity that we in America have lost and are unlikely to regain. The game may only be to move a ball forward on a dirt field, but the task can be accomplished with an unshackled joy and its memories will be a permanent delight. The women and men who play on that rugby field are more alive than too many of us will ever be. The foolish emptiness we think we perceive in their existence is only our own. - Victor Cahn
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