Mummies and daddies
WHO SAYS kids don't appreciate their mums? Here are the answers given by children in only their second year of school to a series of searching questions:
Why did God make mothers?
· She's the only one who knows where the sellotape is.
· Mostly to clean the house.
· To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
· He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
· Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
· God made my mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
·
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mum?
· We're related.
· God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mums like me.
What kind of a little girl was your mum?
· My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.
· I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
· They say she used to be nice.
What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?
· His last name.
· She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
· Does he make at least one million a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mum marry your dad?
· My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mum eats a lot.
· She got too old to do anything else with him.
· My grandma says that mum didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
· Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such an idiot.
· Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
· I guess mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between mums and dads?
· Mums work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
· Dads are taller and stronger, but mums have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
· Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mum do in her spare time?
· Mothers don't do spare time.
· To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mum perfect?
· On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
· Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mum, what would it be?
· She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
· I'd make my mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
· I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings … we need more of this sort of research.
Song, song, song …
THE DURBAN Men's choir will be lifting a few staves later this month at a Choral Celebration to mark their 40th anniversary and in aid of the Open Air School, which turns 90 this year.
It should be a humdinger. Joining them at Glenwood High School on September 23 will be the school choirs of Penzance Primary, Durban Girls' High and the Open Air School itself. Tickets are R50 and can be obtained from the Open Air School (Frere Road) or by phoning 031-2051277.
It's such a pity I will be away from Durban on that date, otherwise I could have offered them a solo of my celebrated rendering of Old Man River.
He don't plant 'tatoes,
He don't plant cotton,
And that planter
Is soon forgotten …
It rattles the windowpanes.
Tailpiece
A BOXER is in the doctor's surgery.
"Doc, I just can't sleep at nights."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"Yes I have. But every time I count to nine, I get up."
Last word
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
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