More World Cup drama
THE DAILY blog of former Mercury columnist Wordsworth as he makes his way from Dubai to New Zealand for the Rugby World Cup continues to provide splendid soap opera.
As mentioned last week, Wordsworth (aka John MacDonald) and his consort, Lady Linda, had planned to start their odyssey with a romantic sea voyage from Dubai to Singapore in a freighter. But something went awry with Wordsworth's passport at the last moment and he missed the sailing.
Lady Linda had to set off alone. Hell hath no fury like a woman cast adrift for 10 days with a ship's company of Ukrainians and Filipinos.
Wordsworth was desolate, his blog tells us. So he set off for Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia (passport now regained), to link up with some business associates and await Lady Linda's arrival. To take his mind off the desolation, he and his associates visited a range of Kuala Lumpur nightspots, which he describes with some vividness. At one, a troupe of exotic Indian dancers so moved the audience that they were showered with banknotes.
Then Wordsworth took the train across the causeway to Singapore for the grand reunion. Lady Linda then takes up the blog.
She is not fluent in Ukrainian or Filipino. She read about a dozen books from the ship's library over the 10 days.
The food consisted of borsht, stew, buckwheat and highly salted dried fish, which the Ukrainians relished but she felt tasted like bad biltong. Sometimes they were given a beer with their meal. Once there were two bottles of wine (between seven).
The officers and crew were obsessed with ping-pong. A tournament – Ukraine versus the Philippines - began at 4.30 pm each day and raged on. Because she lacks proficiency in the game, she was appointed referee.
Oh, and because they were loaded light they were rolling badly.
Borscht, stew, buckwheat, dried fish, the very occasional beer and refereeing ping-pong on a rolling ship – hey, this is living!
I detect a certain smirkiness about Wordsworth's contribution to this blog. From Lady Linda it's more like the early mutterings of a volcano that is beginning to emit puffs of smoke.
I shudder to think what might happen if at the World Cup Scotland should end up beating England in the quarter-finals. Hell hath no fury ...
Machismo
CORRESPONDENTS in the US speak of a minor outbreak of machismo in bumper stickers. "Take my wife, my dog maybe but never my gun!" declares one in Bowie, Texas. "Dog and wife missing. Reward for dog," says another in Orlando Florida.
What's bugging them? Is there an outbreak of wife-stealing and dog-stealing in those parts? Whatever, those guys sound insecure.
Polokwane re-run?
IAN GIBSON, bard of Hillcrest, wonders if we are in for a re-run of Polokwane, this time JZ getting the elbow?
Since Polokwane we've been plagued by analysts,
Not to mention TV and radio panelists;
Is the ruling party
Hale and hearty,
And able to withstand the Youth League's dramatists?
Tailpiece
TWENTY years ago three kids were unfortunately run down by a train in Sydney. When they got to the Pearly Gates, St Peter ruled that it had all been a tragic mistake; they must go back. He told them kindly: "Just jump off that cloud over there and as you go yell out what you want to be in life, and it will happen."
"Lawyer!" shouted the first boy – and today he's a leading light in a Sidney firm of solicitors.
"Doctor!" shouted the second – and today he's a leading surgeon in Sidney.
Unfortunately the third boy tripped and stumbled as he went. "Stupid, clumsy idiot!" he said – and today he's in the Wallabies backline for the World Cup.
Last word
Rugby football is a game I can't claim absolutely to understand in all its niceties, if you know what I mean. I can follow the broad, general principles, of course. I mean to say, I know that the main scheme is to work the ball down the field somehow and deposit it over the line at the other end and that, in order to squelch this programme, each side is allowed to put in a certain amount of assault and battery and do things to its fellow man which, if done elsewhere, would result in 14 days without the option, coupled with some strong remarks from the Bench. - PG Wodehouse
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