Hi-tech message
THERE'S an unusual circumstance in Japan's seismic cataclysm. Often such events are in distant, under-developed localities. The full horror of what has happened seeps out only very slowly.
But Japan is a highly developed society. It has at hand the very latest in microchip technology, the very latest in film and photographic techniques. It has available helicopters and film crews. It has an instinct for news dissemination.
The result has been the horror of the tsunami being brought live into households all over the world as it happened; the dreadful yet riveting sight of the tidal wave rolling across industrial sites, human habitation and farmland; ships and motor vehicles being tossed about like tiny toys.
It's high technology reminding us how powerful the forces of nature really are; how puny man with all his technology is by comparison.
Fishy stuff
IT SEEMS the Arbroath Smokie, which featured in these columns a few weeks ago is not a smoked herring after all, it's a smoked haddock. Hardly had reader Geoff Vinall pointed this out when I received a communication from Ian Gibson (poet laureate of Hillcrest), who had originally identified the Smokie as a herring.
"An indignant Scotsman, who actually took part in the preparation of the Arbroath Smokie under the guidance of his father, informs me that the smokie is not a herring but a haddock (Melanogrammus aeglefinis). It is of the cod family, smoked and sold as "finnan haddie" or Arbroath Smokie. It has a chin barbel and two distinctive dark spots on each shoulder. It is smoked over oak chips. My late aunt in Dundee (Scotland) introduced me to the smokie – it's delicious. My deepest apologies to those kilties who might have been offended. Och aye!"
Thank you for that clarification. I think it should be put into verse as a penance.
In-flight groaners
IT'S THE Smile High Club. Three British comedians are in the Guinness Book of World Records for performing – at 35 000 feet – the highest-ever stand-up comedy gig.
Dara O'Briain, Jack Whitehall and Jon Richardson boarded a British Airways flight from Heathrow for the gig before 180 passengers to raise £100 000 for charity.
Not all of us would welcome such in-flight entertainment. It's bad enough to be seated beside a would-be comic. But this was not a scheduled flight, it was a special one and the passengers were all of them prize-winners or guests.
It's as well. I've a feeling British stand-up comedy hit the buffers years ago. An example from this flight – Whitehall: "It's the only gig where people can't walk out. If you want to heckle you have to hit the call button."
Ho, ho, ho! Pass the sickbag, Alice!
In the money
WHEN you're hot you're hot. A 61-year-old man in Devon, England, caught a bus to Exeter racetrack, placed a £2 accumulator bet and, by the end of the afternoon ,walked away with winnings of £1 445 671 – the biggest win yet in English Tote jackpot history.
Heating engineer Steve Whiteley is the first ordinary punter to win it – the feat has been achieved previously only by a syndicate and a professional gambler.
If the starting prices of all of the horses he backed are added together, the combined odds against him were just over 870 000 to 1.
Mr Whiteley is worth following. I wonder if he has a flutter on the Cricket World Cup or the Rugby World Cup, later in the year?
Tailpiece
TWO FELLOWS are on the golf course when they come up to two women going very slowly. Trying not to be rude they stay back about 100m so the women won't feel rushed.
But after three or four holes like this they become impatient. They decide to ask if they can play through. One of them starts toward the women but about halfway he stops and comes back in consternation.
"I can't go down there, one of them's my wife, and the other's my mistress."
"Okay, I'll take care of it, says his companion and sets off. He gets about halfway then turns back himself, shaking his head.
"It's a small world, isn't it?"
Last word
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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