| Day of the bunnychow IT'S TIME the bunnychow received international recognition and protection. The European Commission has ruled that only Cornish pasties made in Cornwall, following the traditional recipe, can use the name. The Cornish pastie now joins 42 other British products, including Stilton cheese Cornish Clotted Cream, Melton Mowbray pork pies and Arbroath Smokies (whatever they might be) that enjoy the same protection; also champagne in France, sherry in Spain, and port wine in Portugal. I used to think these protections were a load of old cobblers. Who are the European Commission to make rulings as to how the English language should define a product? Is a pastie baked in Durban with the same ingredients and design as the prototype in Penzance not, ipso facto, a Cornish pastie? But now I see I was wrong. Regionalism rules. As argued before the European Commission in the case of the Cornish pastie, local agriculture and local employment have to be protected against world competition. Let us therefore get on with it. Let us draw up the specifications for the bunnychow: Type of curry; bakery (it has to be a Durban one); name of curry-maker (as we all know, the best Durban curries are always made by ladies with the name "Mrs Govender". It's important that these benchmarks of quality be explicitly stated). Then we take the thing to the European Commission and get them to protect the KwaZulu-Natal bunnychow industry. If Cornwall can do it, why not us? Then we sit back, light up an Arbroath Smokie and relax. Vintage stuff ON TV THE other night they had a hilarious bit of old Peter Sellers footage. He seemed to be impersonating Hitler while dressed in some kind of khaki kaftan. Side-splitting stuff. Er, except this was live footage. It was Gaddafi ranting and raving in Tripoli. Scary! Demon drink SOME reflections on the demon drink and the part it plays in our lives: · "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams.If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself: 'It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'" ~ Jack Handy
Warning: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
· "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." ~ Dean Martin.
Warning: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
· "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." ~ Henny Youngman.
Warning: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you.
· "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" ~ Brian O'Rourke.
Warning: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
· "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~ Benjamin Franklin.
Warning: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
· "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." ~ Dave Barry.
Warning: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
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