News from Oz
IT'S ALL happening around Sydney, Australia. On the steps of the famous opera house 5 000 people posed starkers this week to be photographed to promote art – though how this will happen is not specified.
American motorcycle stuntman Seth Enslow broke the world record for a ramp jump on a Harley-Davidson near Sydney harbour, achieving a distance of 56m.
And TV weatherman Steve Jacobs was just getting into the high and low pressure systems when he let out a bloodcurdling yell.
He was broadcasting from Taronga Zoo when he was bitten on the butt by a pelican known as Marnie. The pelican was led away by one of the zoo staff but Jacobs then collapsed in a heap laughing and had difficulty getting through his report.
Much action. But I'm sure we still trump them with a single Julius Malema item.
Evel Knievel
ENSLOW is a successor to daredevil fellow-countryman Evel Knievel, who jumped Harley-Davidsons over Greyhound buses, Pepsi delivery trucks, all kinds of things. He took a rocket-powered "Skycycle" over the Snake River Canyon, Idaho, and wanted to do the same over the Grand Canyon – but the government always refused permission.
The colourful Knievel (real name Craig) chose his showbiz name after spending a night in jail (for reckless driving) where a fellow-prisoner was known to the jailers as Awful Knofel.
Jungle juice
WHAT'S Africa's most dangerous animal? Van der Merwe on a Harley-Davidson, full of Klipdrift brandy.
Nudes here?
SHOULD Durban emulate Sydney, possibly during the World Cup? The Playhouse steps don't quite have the space for 5 000 nudes, but I reckon we could cram in a few hundred. The arts community need to set their minds to it.
Your sign
THIS week's letter from the Free State reminds reader Tom Dennen of the lament of country singer Bill Engvall.
"I just hate stupid people.
"They should have to wear signs that just say: 'I'm stupid.' That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like: 'Excuse me ...oops, never mind, I didn't see your sign.'
"It's like before my wife and I moved from Texas to California. Our house was full of boxes and there was a u-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says: 'Hey, you moving?'
"Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week. Just to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
"A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine. We pulled his boat into the dock. I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass an' this idiot on the dock goes: 'Hey, ya'll catch all them fish?"
"Nope, Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
"I was out in the front yard with my boy the other day and he was playing with his little friend, and he hit his friend and I went up to him and I smacked him and said: 'Hey, we don't hit.'
"He looked up at me like: 'Here's your sign, Dad.'
"Last time I was home I was driving around. I had a flat tyre. I pulled my truck into one of these side-of-the-road gas stations, the attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, I swear he went: 'Tyre go flat?'
"I couldn't resist. 'Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign.'
"We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house, drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then goes: 'Damn, that's hot!'
"See, if he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him!"
Tailpiece
THE RED Indian chief has three wives. One sleeps on a buffalo hide and has a baby boy. The second sleeps on a moose hide and has a baby girl. The third sleeps on a hippopotamus hide. What children does she have?
Twins – a boy and a girl. As Pythagoras set it out in his theorem, the squaw on the hippopotamus equals the sum of the squaws on the other two hides.
Last word
We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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