Too-fat passenger
AMERICA'S concern about obesity appears to have reached new levels with actor and film maker Kevin Smith ordered off an internal air flight because he is "too fat."
It's not clear whether this was due to sheer prejudice against fat men on the part of the captain or whether Smith actually did take the Southwest Airlines flight from Oakland to Burbank over the critical payload. There's also the possibility (reading a garbled statement of apology from the airline) that he failed to book the two seats he normally does for a flight.
Whatever the case, Smith was bumped from the flight, at which he sent out an indignant message to his fans via Twitter: "I broke no regulation, offered no 'safety risk' (What, was I gonna roll on a fellow passenger?)"
It's most puzzling. What parts does Smith play in his own movies? I don't know him or his movies, but it sounds as if [G1] he's immensely fat which, paradoxically, narrows the field. They can't make that many films in America that feature grossly overweight characters, in spite of the national stats.
Has he perhaps starred as a South African policeman?
And another
THE ABOVE recalls an incident of the 1970s when a hugely fat Durban showbiz entrepreneur, known to everyone simply as Fischke, was unable to board a connecting flight to take him to Canada.
This was not due to prejudice against fat folk, it was just that Fischke was unable to fit through the door of the aircraft.
Plus two more
ONCE I was on a charter flight to Ndumu, where a new water scheme was being opened. The great and the good were all invited along.
We landed at Richards Bay to pick up passengers. The aircraft was one of those small twin-engine jobs that carry about a dozen passengers.
The pilot groaned as he spotted two enormously fat provincial MPs waddling across the tarmac. Then he invited me to join him in the vacant co-pilot's seat "to get the trim of the plane right."
Sure enough, it lurched backward as the two new passengers climbed aboard.
Sitting beside him I could hear as he spoke to air traffic control, filing his flight plan as we taxied out. "Twelve passengers, 14 if you count the two fat bastards I've just picked up …"
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Anglo-Saxon reserve
ON TV THE other night, Barack Obama embraced various congressmen as the House of Representatives prepared to vote on his health care bill.
Has Anglo-Saxon reserve disappeared in America? Has it disappeared in England without my noticing?
There was a time when I spent long spells in the company of Latinos elsewhere in Africa, where the male embrace and mutual back-slapping were the way we behaved. But I had to be careful to remember when I got back to Joburg that the Anglo-Saxon firm handshake was the thing.
I sense that habits have changed. In fact, I'm sure that when Jacob Zuma met Gordon Brown on the steps of No 10 Downing Street recently they embraced. They certainly smooched each other's wife (Singular, of course – the others were back in Nkandla).
What is this? Is there a good reason why politicians should behave like footballers after a goal? Is there a good reason why footballers should behave like politicians?
And why all this kissing between perfect strangers? Is it something like the way dogs sniff at each others' bottoms?
And now it seems to be all the rage in America as well. Is it not slightly disgusting? Give me the firm Anglo-Saxon handshake!
Rugby recovery
IAN GIBSON, poet laureate of Hillcrest, penned these lines before last Saturday's win at Dunedin. But his sentiments match the process of steady recovery that we hope the win signals.
Show some pity for our battling Sharks,
A team of the brightest rugby sparks;
Add an Aussie ref,
Both blind and deaf,
It's no wonder they're down in the charts.
Eina!
ANOTHER bit from Bill Bryson's Bizarre World (Warner Books):
When Knud Jensen fell into a barberry patch in Denmark he did it in a big way. At last report doctors had removed almost 24 000 inch-long barberry thorns from him and were still counting."
Tailpiece
Vet: "Paddy, your cows have got bluetongue."
Paddy: "Begorrah! I didn't even know dey had cellphones."
Last word
A witty saying proves nothing.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
Too-fat passenger
AMERICA'S concern about obesity appears to have reached new levels with actor and film maker Kevin Smith ordered off an internal air flight because he is "too fat."
It's not clear whether this was due to sheer prejudice against fat men on the part of the captain or whether Smith actually did take the Southwest Airlines flight from Oakland to Burbank over the critical payload. There's also the possibility (reading a garbled statement of apology from the airline) that he failed to book the two seats he normally does for a flight.
Whatever the case, Smith was bumped from the flight, at which he sent out an indignant message to his fans via Twitter: "I broke no regulation, offered no 'safety risk' (What, was I gonna roll on a fellow passenger?)"
It's most puzzling. What parts does Smith play in his own movies? I don't know him or his movies, but it sounds as if [G1] he's immensely fat which, paradoxically, narrows the field. They can't make that many films in America that feature grossly overweight characters, in spite of the national stats.
Has he perhaps starred as a South African policeman?
And another
THE ABOVE recalls an incident of the 1970s when a hugely fat Durban showbiz entrepreneur, known to everyone simply as Fischke, was unable to board a connecting flight to take him to Canada.
This was not due to prejudice against fat folk, it was just that Fischke was unable to fit through the door of the aircraft.
Plus two more
ONCE I was on a charter flight to Ndumu, where a new water scheme was being opened. The great and the good were all invited along.
We landed at Richards Bay to pick up passengers. The aircraft was one of those small twin-engine jobs that carry about a dozen passengers.
The pilot groaned as he spotted two enormously fat provincial MPs waddling across the tarmac. Then he invited me to join him in the vacant co-pilot's seat "to get the trim of the plane right."
Sure enough, it lurched backward as the two new passengers climbed aboard.
Sitting beside him I could hear as he spoke to air traffic control, filing his flight plan as we taxied out. "Twelve passengers, 14 if you count the two fat bastards I've just picked up …"
|
Anglo-Saxon reserve
ON TV THE other night, Barack Obama embraced various congressmen as the House of Representatives prepared to vote on his health care bill.
Has Anglo-Saxon reserve disappeared in America? Has it disappeared in England without my noticing?
There was a time when I spent long spells in the company of Latinos elsewhere in Africa, where the male embrace and mutual back-slapping were the way we behaved. But I had to be careful to remember when I got back to Joburg that the Anglo-Saxon firm handshake was the thing.
I sense that habits have changed. In fact, I'm sure that when Jacob Zuma met Gordon Brown on the steps of No 10 Downing Street recently they embraced. They certainly smooched each other's wife (Singular, of course – the others were back in Nkandla).
What is this? Is there a good reason why politicians should behave like footballers after a goal? Is there a good reason why footballers should behave like politicians?
And why all this kissing between perfect strangers? Is it something like the way dogs sniff at each others' bottoms?
And now it seems to be all the rage in America as well. Is it not slightly disgusting? Give me the firm Anglo-Saxon handshake!
Rugby recovery
IAN GIBSON, poet laureate of Hillcrest, penned these lines before last Saturday's win at Dunedin. But his sentiments match the process of steady recovery that we hope the win signals.
Show some pity for our battling Sharks,
A team of the brightest rugby sparks;
Add an Aussie ref,
Both blind and deaf,
It's no wonder they're down in the charts.
Eina!
ANOTHER bit from Bill Bryson's Bizarre World (Warner Books):
When Knud Jensen fell into a barberry patch in Denmark he did it in a big way. At last report doctors had removed almost 24 000 inch-long barberry thorns from him and were still counting."
Tailpiece
Vet: "Paddy, your cows have got bluetongue."
Paddy: "Begorrah! I didn't even know dey had cellphones."
Last word
A witty saying proves nothing.
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
[G1]Mensely fat
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