American
election
hots up
HEY, it's Super Tuesday. What's so super about it? Come, come folks, let's not be parochial. It's the day when the greatest number of US states cast their votes for who will be the Democratic Party candidate in November's presidential election.
Fourteen states across the country – Alabama, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Maine, Massachusetts, Minnesota, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont and Virginia – as well as one US territory (American Samoa) - will cast their votes today. Also US citizens abroad. The outcome is expected to be decisive.
Things are hotting up. The New Yorker reports that Democrat hopeful, multi-billionaire Michael Bloomberg, has spent $10 billion buying an entirely new personality, to be launched today, Super Tuesday.
"A thoroughly revamped and unrecognisable version of Bloomberg called New Mike will be up and running.
"Billions of Bloomberg's war chest will be used to remove several unappetising qualities from his personality, including arrogance, touchiness, and a glaring inability to hide his contempt for others."
Meanwhile, also in the New Yorker, President Donald Trump is about to boost his standing by destroying the coronavirus with "an incredibly mean tweet".
"Speaking to reporters at the White House, Trump said that he was already in the process of crafting insults about the virus that would obliterate it once and for all.
"In a preview of the mean tweet he is devising, Trump said: 'The thing about the virus is it's incredibly small. It's smaller than Mike Bloomberg. Once I point that out, the coronavirus won't know what hit it.'"
He added that he was also in the process of coming up with an insulting nickname for the virus.
"'It's going to be something about how small it is. Something like Lil' Micro Mini Virus. I'm still working on it, but it's going to be so mean. You won't believe how mean it's going to be.'
"Trump was dismissive of the scientists who have raised dire concerns about the virus in recent days. 'These so-called experts are the same people who said I needed sunglasses to stare at the eclipse,' he said."
This is getting really interesting. Satirist Andy Borowitz has a way of cutting through the complexities of the American electoral system, so baffling to we outsiders.
Baboons in Oz
A TROOP of baboons caused chaos in the Australian city of Sydney when they escaped from a medical research facility and started running about in the traffic.
Police in New South Wales said the animals had been "going bananas" in the suburb of Camperdown, according to Sky News.
Footage on social media showed three baboons running past vehicles and it shocked viewers. Kangaroos, koalas, duck-billed platypuses – Aussies can take those in their stride. But baboons are something beyond their ken.
It seems that the police and wildlife experts have now rounded up the baboons and taken them back to the research facility, which is at the Royal Prince Alfred Hospital.
But why would the Aussies be researching baboons? Apparently they are used in medical studies, including research into diet and exercise.
Hmmm, diet and exercise? Could this be some sinister attempt to bolster Aussie Super Rugby by infiltrating baboons to their sides? Imagine a front row of them crouching low.
Maybe the Sharks got out of Van Diemensland just in time.
Tailpiece
DON'T steal, don't lie, don't cheat - leave all that to the politicians.
Last word
Love is the difficult realisation that something other than oneself is real. - Iris Murdoch
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