Coronavirus
emergency in
America
THE New Yorker has an alarming message on the coronavirus emergency. "A resident of Washington DC has been identified as the source of the community spread of coronavirus misinformation," it says.
"Officials at the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention said that the man had ignored the advice of public-health experts and spewed a toxic strain of ignorance, potentially infecting millions.
"The man, believed to be a fact-resistant organism, travelled last week to South Carolina, where he came in contact with thousands of people who now believe that coronavirus is a hoax.
"The epidemic of cluelessness expanded when the man called in to a Fox News television programme to encourage people with coronavirus to go to work.
"A CDC spokesperson in Atlanta said: 'According to the data we have, the most virulent misinformation is transmitted via this man's oral cavity. If you turn on your TV and see him open his mouth, move as far away as possible.'"
The piece is illustrated by a photo of President Trump shaking hands with supporters.
Yes, this is satirist Andy Borowitz again. Trump has made various statements downplaying the outbreak that have been contradicted or "clarified" by officials in his administration. Some of his close circle have self-quarantined after coming into contact with a person who has the virus.
Read all about it!
MORE from Rosemarie Jarski's Great British Wit. Topic: Journalism and News.
· This is a very horrible country, England. We invented the macintosh, you know. We invented the flasher, the voyeur. That's what the British press is about. – Malcolm McLaren.
· The life of a journalist is poor, nasty, brutish and short. So is his style. – Stella Gibbons.
· My uncle was a political writer for one of those London tabloids. I can still remember his biggest scoop. The headline read "High Ranking Politician Caught Wearing Women's Clothing". Of course you turned to Page Two and you found out it was Margaret Thatcher, but by then you'd already bought the paper. – Daphne Moon Frasier
· The best leaks always take place in the urinal. – John Cole.
· Being a columnist is an odd occupation. It's strange when people hate you. Especially when you haven't even been married to them. – Tony Parsons.
Strength to strength
THE charity gig being organised for Saturday, March 28, moves from strength to strength. My aromatic old muso mate Smelly Fellows tells me comedian and stage star Frank Graham has now agreed to do a spot, along with his (Smelly's) disreputable band, Salty Dog, who will take folk on a ramble down Memory Lane with the music of the Beatles and Smokie.
The gig is in aid of Project Bene, which raises funds for people who need prosthetic limbs. It will be at Musketeers, 7 Barham Road, Westville, starting at 6pm. The dining room and bar will be open. Tickets are R100 a person.
Salty Dog also plan raffles and they appeal for donations of prizes – bottles of booze, make-up kits, gift vouchers – anything in a good cause.
I understand they were also considering a gals-only draw, the prize being a chance to dance cheek-to-cheek with Smelly, but there were doubts whether Musketeers could cope with a female stampede.
Contact (for bookings or prize donations): Maureen – 073-0572414.
Tailpiece
A COP draws level with a car speeding down the freeway. He's astounded to see it's driven by a woman who is also knitting at the wheel.
He winds down his window: "Pull over!"
"No," she shouts back. "It's a scarf."
Last word
O, what may man within him hide, though angel on the outward side! - William Shakespeare
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