The Idler, Thursday, January16, 2020

Campaign

ads with

real effect

 

THE race hots up for the Democrat candidacy in this year's American presidential campaign. Late entrant Michael Bloomberg – multi-billionaire and former mayor of New York – has already spent a whopping $100 million (R1.4bn) on advertising.

This is a positive start for Bloomberg, according to the New Yorker. "A new poll indicates that an increasing number of Americans would vote for Michael Bloomberg if that would make him stop airing campaign ads.

"The poll found that 16% of those surveyed were 'somewhat likely' to vote for Bloomberg if that would convince him to stop airing ads; 21% were 'very likely' to do so for that reason; and a whopping 33% 'strongly agreed' with the statement

"'Seriously, I'll do whatever he wants—please, just make them stop right now'."

"In a new Bloomberg ad airing this week, the candidate addresses the viewer directly, stating: 'Hi, I'm Mike Bloomberg. Do you want to see more of these ads? The choice is yours,' before the screen abruptly goes black."

Yes, this is satirist Andy Borowitz again, having fun in the New Year.

 

 

Name change wanted

 

INFORMANTS tell me there's an agitation for the new CEO of Eskom to change his name.

He should no longer be Andre de Ruyter, he should become Andre da GeneRuyter.

 

 

Decider?

 

WILL this be the decider as South Africa and England walk out at St George's Park, Port Elizabeth, today for the Third Test, the rubber squared. Will they produce the same absorbing, fluctuating and exciting cricket as in the first two Tests?

In recent years England have fared well at St George's. We've yet to beat them there since re-admission.

Only one thing can be predicted with certainty. The St George's brass band will be cacophonous,

 

 

Apun my word

 

A COW in Scotland held up rush hour rail traffic by wandering on to the line, at the same time unleashing a blizzard of awful punnery.

Sky News described "udder chaos" around Glasgow after the cow escaped from a nearby field and held up trains She refused to "moooooove".

But "cow-llision" was averted after she was enticed away with a bucket of food and she eventually "mooved" (Eek! One bad pun deserves a flogging. Twice merits the firing squad).

Glasgow City Council tweeted that it would work with rail staff to find the breach in the fence that led to the cow's "high-steaks" escape.

We wish them success. No more "pun-ishment", please!

 

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Cogitations

 

MORE shower thoughts from Huffington Post, prompted during that interlude when one has stopped singing to ponder abstractions.

·       You don't hear much about the original Zealand.

·       Heist movies based on real heists make more money than the heists themselves.

·        The kids of the future probably won't make "brrrm brrrm". noises when playing with toy cars.

·       Hot-headed is bad but warm-hearted is good. Cool-headed is good but cold-hearted is bad.

·       It must have been significantly harder to feed a toddler before the invention of the aeroplane.

 

 

Dutch origin

 

THE original Zealand is, of course, the Dutch province of Zeeland. The place that now produces the All Blacks was named Nieuw Zeeland by the Dutch explorer, Abel Tasman, in 1642.

The shower thinker is right. Present-day Zeeland is a small, thinly populated province of the Netherlands. You don't hear too much about it.

 

Tailpiece

 

THIS fellow is in a bookshop. Her approaches a woman counter assistant.

"Do you keep stationery?"

"No, usually I wriggle a bit."

 

 

Last word

 

Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. - Arthur C Clarke