The Idler Friday, January 17, 2020

Trial by combat –

a precedent

being set?

 

AN AMERICAN man has asked a court to allow an issue between he and his ex-wife to be decided in a swordfight.

David Ostrom told the Shelby County District Court, in Iowa, that it has the power to allow the parties to "resolve our disputes on the field of battle, legally," according to Associated Press.

"Trial by combat has never been explicitly banned or restricted as a right in these United States."

The Ostroms have been embroiled in disputes over custody and visitation issues and property tax payments.

Ostrom told the court his ex-wife could nominate her attorney, Matthew Hudson, to fight as her champion if she chose. He asked the court to remand the case for 12 weeks so he could procure Japanese samurai swords.

Hudson argued that because a duel could end in death, "such ramifications likely outweigh those of property tax and custody issues." He asked the judge to reject the request for trial by combat.

Judge Craig Dreismeier said he would not be issuing a decision any time soon, citing irregularities with both sides' motions and responses.

"Until the proper procedural steps to initiate a court proceeding are followed, this court will take no further action concerning any motion, objection or petition filed by either party at this time."

Hmmm. He didn't chuck it out either. Could we have a precedent developing here? Could it have a bearing on the impeachment process?

Donald Trump versus Nancy Pelosi with Samurai swords? It wouldn't be any more bizarre than what's going on now. A lot quicker and maybe even less messy.

 

 

 

Disappearing act

 

IT'S a curious one this about how Nissan Motors boss Carlos Ghosn slipped out of Japan to avoid financial fiddling charges (which he denies), apparently hidden in some sort of musical instrument case.

At first it was said he was carried out of his home in Tokyo in a double bass case and put on a plane for the Lebanon. Now it seems more likely he was in a large speaker box, too big to go through the scanner at Kansai airport in western Japan.

Whatever, musical instrument manufacturer Yamaha has now issued a warning against trying to squeeze into musical instrument cases, according to Huffington Post.

"A warning after any unfortunate accident would be too late, so we ask everyone not to try it."

I suppose a really skinny critter could try to get into a trombone case and travel the world.

 

 

Lexophilia

READER Nick Gray sends in a collection of those contorted sentence constructions that are known collectively as lexophilia:

·       When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

·       When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, UCLA.

·       A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

·       A boiled egg is hard to beat.

·       Police were called to a day care centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest

·       He fell onto an upholstery machine. He's now fully recovered.

·       He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

·       When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

 

 

Tailpiece

"My ex-husband wants to marry me again."

"That's flattering."

"Not really. I think he's after the money I married him for."

 

Last word

Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity. - Christopher Morley