The Idler, Friday, January 31, 2020

The heavy

stuff still

to come

AT MIDNIGHT tonight Britain leaves the EU. But nothing much changes for a year at least while future terms of trade between the Brits and the EU are thrashed out.

These are likely to make negotiations up until now seem like a picnic. You don't easily unravel 47 years of intermeshing, especially in the highly integrated cross-channel car manufacturing industry.

Prediction: The end result will look much like membership of the EU for the Brits, except they don't sit in the European parliament or attend the Brussels pow-wows. But it will take more than a year.

Second prediction: The next generation of Brits will spend their time trying to get back into the EU.

Unresolved: The future status of Northern Ireland (which voted against Brexit). Will events trigger that portion of the Good Friday Agreement that provides for a vote on unification with the South (and membership of the EU)?

Also unresolved: The future status of Scotland (which also voted against Brexit). Will agitation build for another referendum on Scottish independence (and membership of the EU)?

The soapie ain't over, folks.

 

Flung in fury

NEVER fling wedding or engagement rings in a fury. It always ends in a desperate hunt.

In Birmingham, England, a fellow had a row with his wife. He took off his wedding ring and flung it in fury out into the dark. At 2am, he and a friend were still out looking for it by torchlight, according to Sky News.

A passing police patrol stopped to ask what was going on. The cops then got their dog, a German shepherd called Odin, to take a sniff at the husband and see if he could match him up with the ring.

It took Odin two minutes to find the ring in the pitch dark. Relief and handshakes, pats for Odin. A happy ending.

It recalls an incident in days of yore in the old Press Club on the third floor of the Central Hotel, in the CBD.

A fellow was in a corner at the bar, having a furious row with his girlfriend. Suddenly she took off her engagement ring and flung it in a fury out of the window.

This was three floors up. But the Central had a sloping pitch roof outside the windows. Next thing everyone was out on the roof looking for the ring, And somebody found it. Astonishing! Another happy ending.

Soon after this incident I left for a three-year stint in England. On my return I repaired to the Press Club and there in the same corner was the same fellow fighting with the same girlfriend.

I tensed. Was the ring about to fly out of the window again? How often had it happened in my absence? But no – this time the ring remained put. She'd learned you can squabble without extravagances like flinging rings in a fury.

 

Three prime ministers

MORE from Rosemarie Jarski's Great British Wit. Topic: Politics and Government.

·       There's as much chance of my becoming prime minister as there is of finding Elvis on Mars or my being decapitated by a Frisbee or reincarnated as an olive. – Boris Johnson.

·       I haven't read Karl Marx. I get stuck on that footnote on Page 2. – Harold Wilson.

·       Definition of a politician: He is asked to stand, he wants to sit, he is expected to lie. – Winston Churchill.

 

Tailpiece

 

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. But the Englishman wants to leave so everybody has to.

 

Last word

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. - Joan Rivers