The Idler, Monday, January 13, 2020

Eleven months

to renew

a passport

 

THE paralysing tentacles of South African officialdom reach a long way. In a blog, Tommy Bedford, former Natal and sometime Springbok rugby captain, tells how he waited 11 months for his passport to be renewed at the South African Consulate in London.

Tommy, who now lives in England, started in a long queue in the street outside the consulate, just off Trafalgar Square, on a cold and frosty mid-winter morning in January last year. He was to stand in that same queue another four times.

"By mid-March on my fourth, and I confidently thought final, visit to the consulate (as every possible document had been obtained and copied and every form filled in) I naturally contemplated that with the new South Africa 10 years further down the line in issuing passports, and now 25 years in the making, perhaps I might have a new passport by the time mine expired in April."

But no. The lady behind the glass at the consulate counter once again shuffled her way through his documents and said: :"Mr. Bedford, this application cannot be accepted. It will first have to be proved that you are South African. Complete the forms I will give you and return them to me. These will be sent to South Africa for checking and verification".

He already had a passport, he'd had five before that one and he had a 60-years-old ID document.

Another mid-winter and Tommy was back again. The papers and documents were again shuffled, found to be in order, each finger and both hands finger-printed and the £35 fee was paid.

"In this age of IT the quest simply to have a passport renewed should not be rocket science. It should be a very tiny part of running the country," says Tommy.

"What will it take, and how long will it take, and who will it take to fix the malfunctioning malaise of running South Africa?"

Dunno, Tommy. It took Natal 100 years to win the Currie Cup.

 

 

Back to normal

 

OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "If a man appears sexy, caring and clever, give him a day or two. He'll soon be back to normal."

 

 

Far-spread clan

 

HEH-HEH I have to confess I was pulling your leg when I wrote last week about South African-born Aussie cricketer Marnus Labuschagne also playing rugby for Japan.

However, my old pal Gerry Robinson, of Howick, now tells me Pieter "Lappies" Labuschagne, who plays rugby for Japan, is actually Marnus's brother.

The Labuschagne clan certainly spread their talents. At one time we had at least three of them playing for Natal, one also nicknamed "Lappies". And one of those Labuschagnes  – Dr Nick, who pronounces his name the French way – also played rugby for Oxford and England and went on to become president of the Natal Rugby Union.

These Labuschagnes get around.

 

 

State capture

 

IAN Gibson, poet laureate of Hillcrest, lends his support to Bheki Ntshalintshali, of Cosatu, who has pleaded for the law enforcement agencies to bring to book all wrongdoers implicated during the Zondo commission of inquiry.

 

The nation's in shock over state capture,

Yes, trillions have made their departure;

And the matter's still fraught

For no-one's been caught,

Which would lead to nation-wide rapture.

 

 

Tailpiece

 

The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at people who stress you.

 

Last word

 

Someone's boring me. I think it's me. - Dylan Thomas