STURM und drang in Washington. A caravan of migrants is making its way from the hellholes of South America for the US border, seeking entry. At the same time, according to the New Yorker, a caravan of Democratic women is heading toward Washington with the explicit goal of invading America's capital.
"Speaking at a press conference at the White House, President Trump acknowledged that he had failed in his bid to stop the caravan, which is on schedule to arrive in Washington on January 3, 2019.
"'The Democrats are responsible for sending this caravan and, frankly, it's a disgrace,' he said. 'They are sending some dangerous women."
"Elaborating on the threat posed by the caravan, Trump said: 'Some of these women have fought in wars. They have fired guns. One of them is a mixed-martial-arts specialist. These are women who will kick your ass without hesitating.'
"Trump denied that he was irresponsibly stoking fears about the caravan of females. 'Every Republican in Washington should be scared of these women,' he said. 'I know I am.'"
Yes, this is satirist Andy Borowitz again. The acuity and depth of his political analysis is quite breathtaking.
IT HAS been half a century since the dawn of colour television, but more than 7 000 people in Britain are still watching in black and white, according to the TV licensing authority.
Despite an increase in the use of smart televisions, as well as tablets and smartphones to access TV content, 7 161 British households are spurning modern technology and have not switched over to colour transmissions, according to Sky News.
TV Licensing spokesman Jason Hill is quoted: "Over half of the UK's TVs now connect to the internet so it's interesting that more than 7 000 households still choose to watch their favourite shows on a black and white telly."
This surely is deplorable. In an age where everyone else is using the thumbs on the smartphone, accessing all kinds of wonders of the digital age, there still are Neanderthals watching black and white TV. One conjectures with revulsion as to what kind of programmes they watch. Almost certainly it will not be anything wholesome like the zombies, robots and other dramatic figures that inhabit today's TV screens. Shudder: It's probably such stuff as football or horseracing.
Er, do we still have black and white TV here in South Africa? Surely not – but I don't know for sure. I must reactivate my trusty Nokia – the one with the Arabic characters on the buttons – and get through again to the Nkandla party line. That's where you get the hi-tech know-how.
A CAT in Luxembourg was caught on camera chasing after a rat. But the rat turned to fight back.
A fellow named Claude Alff got it all on video, according to Huffington Post, while strolling through the town of Esch-sur-Alzette.
"The footage shows the frightened cat leap into the air when its would-be prey turns the tables. It wasn't long before the kitty high-tailed it - with the rat in hot pursuit:"
This might seem amusing. But is it fair to cats? Why make fun of them? Snigger away – I'll set the Bluff Cat Lady on ya!
SOMETIMES you run into people who change your life for the better. These people are called bartenders.
I think that I shall never see
a billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all.