Wednesday, December 12, 2018

The Idler, Thursday, December 13, 2018

Durban –

better than


THINGS seem not quite as they should be. Meter maids are a common enough sight in our streets. But why are these two in Florida Road dressed as chorus girls in fishnet tights as they go about their ticketing duties?

Further down, there's yet another traffic light failure. An admiral is on point duty, directing traffic. An admiral? Has the navy taken over traffic control duties? Do we have enough admirals for all the city's intersections?

No we don't. At the next intersection a matador is on point duty.

Down on the beachfront the mounted police are patrolling in preparation for the Christmas rush. Except these cops are Canadian Mounties. No, not all of them. Some are Mexican gauchos. Others are Russian Cossacks.

What the heck is going on?

As I am pondering in bewilderment, a metro police motorcycle roars past, the rider hanging desperately on to his top hat.

The penny drops. As reported a few days ago, the metro cops are pitching for work in motley because their stores department has run out of uniforms due to procurement hassles.

But why these exotic rigs? It turns out that the Playhouse costumes department has come to the rescue. Therefore we can expect the beaches to be patrolled this Christmas by Roman gladiators, cowboys, the cast of the Mikado and clog-dancers.

Durban turns crisis into opportunity. Where else in the world do you get ticketed by a girl in fishnet tights? Where else do you get frisked by the Pirates of Penzance? It's better than Disneyland.



WHO fancies a surfing holiday at Zuma Beach, in California?

At a time he is beleaguered in so many ways, it seems a beach in California has been named after our former president. That's one bright spot for him, I suppose.

We're obliged to Rob Nicolai, Howick's resident theoretical physicist, for the information about Zuma Beach.

However, the name turns out to be purely coincidental and in part caused by a misspelling. The name Zuma Beach – it's one of the safest and most popular in California – derives from the nearby Point Dume, named in 1793 after Father Francisco Dumetz, of the Mission San Buenaventura.

"Dume" has elided into "Duma", alternatively "Zuma", which is officially used today in all the tourist literature.

Oh well – surf's up!



STILL with California, police got a surprise when a bear, walking on its hind legs, opened the door to their station and strolled in as if it were checking in a for a shift..

It happened in Truckee, near Lake Tahoe, according to Huffington Post.

The bear wandered past some vending machines, then just as casually strolled back and by the same door he'd come in, followed for a while by two police officers.

Bears in the area are foraging for food 20 hours a day as they prepare to go into winter hibernation.

This particular bear needs to get smarter than just walking on his hind legs and opening doors. He needs to acquire a police star to avoid being hassled. Also, he needs some small change to get grub out of those vending machines. Then zzzzz…



A YACHT is in trouble off the German coast. They send out a frantic radio message: "Mayday, Mayday! We're sinking! We're sinking!"

Their radio crackles into life: "Und vot iss you sinking about?"


Last word

You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that.

Jay Leno

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