Tuesday, December 4, 2018

The Idler, Monday, November 25, 2018

The truth

the whole

truth …


MILLENIALS are better liars than the elderly. Researchers at Brandeis University, in the US, have discovered that kids aged between 18 and 24 knock spots off those between 60 and 92 when it comes to shooting a line.

Older people lack the mental ability to lie convincingly. Brain scans taken using an electroencephalogram found that millennials and the elderly gave similar cognitive responses when telling the truth. However, the brain of a pensioner was noticeably less able to cope when they were asked to lie.

That's interesting. At which I recall an incident last week when I was down at the yacht basin watching a pelican and a gannet in a mid-air fight over a fish. The pelican dropped the fish - a large bream - which landed on the yacht mole right near me, still flapping. I took it into Royal Natal Yacht Club and the chef cooked it for me for lunch. Delicious!

Not much more of interest happened until, that afternoon, I was walking through Essenwood Park, where there was a bit of a commotion. A small schnauzer dog was swallowing a python. It drew quite a crowd and the old lady who owned the schnauzer was laughing hysterically and shouting: "Suh, boy! Scoff him!"

Further on, as I strolled into the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties, three pneumatically busty damsels dropped out of the rafters onto me. They overpowered me, bundled me into a car and took me to a luxury apartment where I was held as a sex slave for 48 hours. Delicacy forbids my going into detail, but never before have I seen such tattoo work and in such profusion.

Yes, those scientists at Brandeis University have got it about right. Milllenials might be inclined to embellish and embroider but, as the years go by, we fogies tend to stick to the unvarnished truth.


CYMRU am byth! – Wales forever! Four defeats in a row by the Taffys and it does feel like an eternity.

Actually it was quite an enjoyable game, some workmanlike stuff on both sides. Eighty-thousand Taffys giving tongue is always agreeable. We could've won. Throwing away certain penalty points for a botched line-out is never a good idea. I thought Jesse Kriel had got that touch-down. But then, to quote the philosopher, if my auntie had gonads she'd be my uncle.

On the day, Wales snatched the tries, they kept control and deserved the win. And the World Cup is now most certainly an open book. Ireland against the All Blacks; England against Australia; Wales against the Boks. The northern hemisphere is on the rise. Anything could happen. Hier kom 'n ding!


THEY'RE still looking for that new pub at Twickenham called the Farrell Arms. Nobody has yet found it.

On Saturday, England captain Owen Farrell gave one of the Aussies a shoulder charge that up-ended him and made the shoulder charge at the gorrel of the Boks' Andre Esterhuizen a couple of weeks ago look like a love-in.

When are the refs going to get their act together over this kind of thing? Some time between now and the World Cup it has to be done. An idea might be to line them up and have players shoulder-charge them – the object lesson. Where? Why not the Farrell Arms?


THERE was this dyslexic lawyer. He studied all year for the bra exam.

Last word

We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.

Jeff Marder


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