Sunday, December 9, 2018

The Idler, Monday, December 10, 2018

Oops! –



A MUNICIPAL counsellor in Sheffield, England, wanted to encourage a women's group called Mums Unite who were presenting a petition to the council on knife crime. This councillor videoed the proceedings and, while they were still on, sent them to the group's Whatsapp address.

Whoops! Big mistake! According to the BBC, the post turned out to be not a video of the petition proceedings but a photo of a topless gal.

The women are furious, insulted. The councillor protests that it was a mistake. The photo had arrived on his phone that very morning – he had not even been aware of its existence. He sent it by mistake, Of course, of course. These things happen.

But he's been suspended from the Sheffield council all the same, while the incident is investigated.

My beef though is with the BBC. What's happened to their sense of news? On their website they have a picture of the councillor. Who cares about the councillor? Councillors are a dime a dozen. They don't arouse moral indignation.

What we want on the BBC website is the photo of the topless gal. That's the real story. Then we can grind our teeth in outrage and growl: "Disgusting! Disgraceful! I've seen better in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties!"

One might have thought that, in this age of righting wrongs, the BBC could have shown better judgment.



INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener wonders in his latest grumpy newsletter when the law will kick in against public felony.

"When are we going to see some arrests and better still some convictions and best of all long jail time for the numerous felons alleged to have stolen public money? And, come to think of it, some private money as well.

"The only one that most of us can think of was Jacob Zuma's financial advisor (the first of several spectacular duds in that post) who was granted medical parole because of a terminal condition a dozen years ago.

"Fortunately for the poor man, his doctor turned out to be as bad at medicine as he was at finance.

"There is much anticipation that President Cyril has picked a good one in appointing Shamila Batohi to the top of the National Prosecuting Authority. I do hope she has ordered that her office be thoroughly cleaned before moving in. It's had some very unsavoury characters in it of late. And that's on her side of the desk too. Get to work young lady!"


FESTIVE times. I find myself engaged in conversation the other evening with Cockney Tommy, also known as Mucker, who is one of the characters of Florida Road.

We are in The Pub With No Name and he is in the corner dressed in a Santa Claus suit and doing a kind of hula hoop dance as he burbles Christmas greetings. Mucker is a man of many talents but it does strike me that this is an unusual role for a man in top management.

Then – blow me down! - it turns out after 10 minutes that this is not Mucker at all but an automated dancin', talkin' Santa doll. Silly me!


WHAT did St Patrick say to the snakes as he was driving them out of Ireland?

"Are yez all right in the back there, lads?"

Last word

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Mark Twain

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