Tuesday, December 4, 2018

The Idler, Tuesday, November 20, 2018

WIT' A SHILLELAGH at me arm and a twinkle in me oi,

Oi'll be off to Tipperary in de marnin' …


WHAT a day for Irish rugby. But it was coming. As remarked last week, the All Blacks were on borrowed time. We should have beaten them at Loftus a few weeks ago. England came even closer at Twickenham.

But Ireland pulled it off. They held tight in those dying moments when the All Blacks are so deadly.

Give dose fellers a Guinness!

The Boks pipped Scotland but not by much. This is a risorgimento of the northern hemisphere. Next year's World Cup in Japan is now wide open.

For the Boks this Saturday it's Wales, another tough 'un look you, indeed to goodness. The march to Japan continues.

'Erewego, 'erewego, 'erewego!



LAST week I read the Wikipedia entry on rugby between Ireland and the All Blacks. To my astonishment, Ireland had beaten the All Blacks in every encounter but one, since 1905.

Of course, Wikipedia is open to editing and correction by readers. This must have been an Irish patriot at work.

I checked again yesterday. The entry was unchanged, unembroidered.

Mind you, the Guinness does slow things down.



OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: "Once you've given up on existentialism and grown out of nihilism, all that's left is to embrace the absurdity."


AUSSIE prime minister Scott Morrison is in trouble, according to the BBC,  for making "smutty" remarks about blonde actress Pamela Anderson – former Baywatch star – after she asked him for help in freeing Wikileaks founder Julian Assange, also an Aussie, who is holed up under diplomatic immunity in the Ecuadorean embassy in London.

Morrison rejected the request but said he had "plenty of mates who have asked me if they can be my special envoy to sort out the issue with Pamela".

Pamela describes this as unacceptable smut. A government minister defends the comment as being "light-hearted".

Lighthearted? In this day and age? Where have these Aussies been lately? Such jokes are simply verboten.

Assange is wanted in Sweden for alleged sexual transgressions. The Brits have said they'll arrest and extradite him if he steps out of the embassy. I've no idea why Pamela should be campaigning for his release. The issue is the kind of minefield these days, into which it is folly to venture. Far be it from me to make any sort of smutty suggestion. Things have gone far enough as it is.





AN IRISH scrumhalf dies. He's standing before the Pearly Gates. A voice booms: "Seamus O'Flaherty, is there any sin you have not confessed?"

"Er, yes dere is one sin."

"What sin is that?"

"It wuz at Lansdowne Road. We wuz playin' England. We wuz one point down. It wuz injury toime. We had a scrum on England's loine. Oi put in. De scrum wheeled sloightly. Oi went for de ball. Oi knocked it on ever so sloightly. But de ref was unsoighted. Oi dived over de line and scored. We won de Test. But Oi know we didn't really. Oi never told anybody. Dis has always been on me conscience."

"Seamus O'Flaherty, that was no sin. You may enter."

"Oh, tank you, St Peter, tank you!"

"It's St Peter's day off. Dis is St Patrick."

Last word

Think of what would happen to us in America if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record.

Tom Masson

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