Thursday, December 20, 2018

The Idler, Thursday, December 20, 2018

Music to

Bring the house



ABOUT 200 of us were well and truly launched into festive mode the other evening by local group iGrandi Tenori at their Christmas Music Extravaganza, put on by Friends of Music at the Durban Jewish Club.


It was an awesome affair by this ensemble of highly talented vocalists, grand piano and string quartet, marred only by my blonde companion holding a knife to my throat to discourage me from singing along in accompaniment of Shani Mwelase in his lovely rendition of Danny Boy.


What a faultless performance this was, such practised musicality. iGrandi Tenori are youngsters – two of them still at school – and it seems they are about to embark on a wider world stage. They'll bring the house down wherever they go.


Ahem! Tonight I'll be singing my own much-acclaimed rendition of Danny Boy at the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties.




IF YOU think our political situation is currently fraught, just wait 'til next year when the politicos get into election mode. Reader Leslie Noble, of Brighton Beach, pens a few lines under the snappy title, "Current affairs (from Eskom) and Parrot Parasites (Polly Ticks)"


A custom has now started

In pre-election days

Of getting all light-hearted

In entertaining ways.


(Light-hearted, though, can only come

In rationed little lumps,

Between the periods when some

With shedding, Eskom dumps.


Though called 'Supply Commission',

Renaming should take place:

More like, 'Supply Omission'

Would tend to fit the case.)


Still, form a brand-new party

To benefit the trades,

Or yet another, tarty,

That can be joined by maids.


Next, maybe, comes a leader

Who will distil free beer;

Or some quite nasty bleeder

Just out to instil fear.


And then a party-party,

For partying all day,

Quite popularly start-y

For those who like to play.


A party for the San and Khoi,

Who want their land back, please;

And then one, purely to annoy

For paying legal fees.


And, come to that, a lobby

To bring back Zuma rule,

Where everybody's hobby

Will be to play the fool.


I don't suppose will come to pass

When those we will elect

Are best, ignoring race or class

As things of no effect.




READER Eric Hodgson supplies some linguistic twisters:

·       The meaning of opaque is unclear.

·       I wasn't going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind.

·       Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time-consuming.

·       A man tried to assault me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy!

·       I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

·       If there was someone selling marijuana in our neighbourhood, weed know about it.

·       It's a lengthy article about ancient Japanese sword fighters but I can Sumurais it for you.

·       It's not that the man couldn't juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

·       So what if I don't know the meaning of the word "apocalypse"? It's not the end of the world.

·       Police were called to the daycare centre. A 3-year old was resisting a rest.

·       The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.


A-a-a-r-r-rgh! He supplies 21 of them. Enough, enough!




TWO cowboys stagger out of a zoo, their clothes in shreds. One says: "This lion dancin' sure ain't as restful and relaxin' as they make out."


Last word


Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice-president.

Johnny Carson


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