Special effects at Hollywood
LOS ANGELES folk woke on New Year's Day to find the centre of the world movie industry is now known as "Hollyweed". A prankster had climbed to the famous irregular white letters on Mount Lee, reading "Hollywood", turning two of the the "o"s, into "e"s by draping them with white and black tarpaulins.
"Weed" is presumed to refer to marijuana, the prank being a commentary on Californian voters approving Proposition 64 last November, making it legal from next year to use marijuana recreationally.
Security cameras picked up the prankster at work at 3am, dressed completely in black.
Oddly enough, it's happened before. Exactly 41 years ago to the day, a college student did the same thing, getting the famous sign to read "Hollyweed".
It's taken a long time. A lot of weed was smoked illegally in between.
US seethes
AMERICA continues to seethe after its divisive presidential election. News comes this way of a Democrat union boss who walks into a bar next door to the factory and is about to order a drink, when he sees a guy close by wearing a "Trump for President" button, a Trump hat and with two beers in front of him. He does not have to be an Einstein, to know this guy is a Republican.
He shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear: "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Republican!"
After the drinks have been handed out, the Republican gives him a big smile, waves and says: "Thank you!" in just as loud a voice. It infuriates the union boss.
He again loudly orders drinks for "everyone except the Republican". As before, this does not seem to bother the guy. He continues to smile, and again yells: "Thank you!"
The union boss does it again - "drinks for everyone except the Republican". As before, this fellow smiles some more and again yells: "Thank you!"
The union boss asks the bartender: "What the hell's the matter, with that Republican? I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar except him, and all the silly guy does, is smile and thank me. Is he nuts?"
"Nope. He owns the place."
Employee award
MORE seething. Under a Moscow dateline, the New Yorker says the Kremlin has named Donald Trump its Employee of the Month for December.
"No one has worked more tirelessly for the glory of the Fatherland than Donald Trump," it quotes Russian President Vladimir Putin saying. "He has set a high bar for all Kremlin employees and for that we salute him."
According to Kremlin sources, the New Yorker says, Trump faced tough competition in the Employee of the Month voting, besting both Syrian President Bashar al-Assad and ExxonMobil's CEO Rex Tillerson (who had had major oil deals in Russia and has been nominated by Trump for Secretary of State)..
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Trump is quoted calling the award "a tremendous honour, just tremendous."
"Obama was president for eight years and he didn't win this a single month," he said. "Loser!"
This is the work, of course, of Andy Borowitz, who used to be a satirist but has now opted for straight writing that makes sense of a complex situation.
Nostalgia
MY ZULULAND correspondent, Taffy, gets nostalgic at this time of year for his boyhood in South Wales.
He says people there are often given nicknames relating to their appearance or occupation. A short coalminer called David Evans was known as "Dai Small Coal". Richard Jones, a garbage collector, was "Ricky Rubbish".
"Two examples from where I grew up were "Iolo Jones", who had lost a large amount of his right earlobe, and Billy Williams who had lost one eye and was called Billy Nelson."
One January 1 they bumped into each other.
Billy: "Happy new year to you Iolo."
Iolo: "And a happy new eye to you Billy."
South Wales is renowned for its repartee.
Good news
READER Beau Lintner brings good news for the New Year.
"Four days into 2017 and the Springboks haven't lost a match yet. Fantastic!"
Tailpiece
TWO musicians are walking down the street.
"Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?"
"That was no piccolo, that was my fife."
Last word
It is only an auctioneer who can equally and impartially admire all schools of art.
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