Drama on the main drag
RODEO has nothing on this. Henry County Sheriff Monte Belew was driving his patrol car down the main drag in Paris, Tennessee, when he spotted a loose calf trotting down the middle of the highway.
He tried using his car to herd it off the road, turning on his siren to scare it, but it didn't work. The calf just carried on.
What does a sheriff do? He calls in a cowhand who's good with a lassoo. Rancher David Bevill got on the roof of the sheriff's car and they set off after the calf, lassoo whirling, according to Huffington Post.
Bevill got the calf first throw. "It all worked out. I think it was the best loop I've ever thrown in my life," he said afterwards.
But a calf doesn't take kindly to being lassooed from a sheriff's car instead of a pony, and next thing it was pulling Bevill down from the roof. But all was well as the sheriff came to his assistance once he'd recovered from laughing.
The whole thing was captured on video and had more than three million views by last week.
This is the Wild West.
Tipsy lady (1)
ZULULAND correspondent Taffy says his brother is a traffic cop. They were checking cars at a road block.
"The window was lowered by a lady who was obviously drunk. He asked for her driver's licence and she replied: 'I don't have one.'
"He asked her to come with him to the police station. She said: 'My husband can bring me.'
"He then noticed it was a left-hand drive car and her husband had sat quietly behind the steering wheel saying and doing nothing. Brother backed off with apologies."
Yes, some of these ladies do over-indulge in the holiday season. Their menfolk are much more reliable.
Tipsy lady (2)
THE above recalls a famous incident on the highway just outside Durban, heading for Kloof, which ended up being related in court.
A provincial traffic officer was driving westward about 5.30am – broad daylight in summer – when he saw a Ford Fairlane being driven very erratically, weaving all over the place. He overtook, got out and waved it down.
Behind the wheel was a blonde, clearly sloshed to the eyeballs.
"Ma'am," he said. "You're drunk!"
"Oh no, officer. I've just been having din-dins at the Eddies."
English folklore
Here's to thee, old apple tree,
Whence thou mayst bud
And whence thou mayst blow!
And whence thou mayst bear apples enow!
Hats full! Caps full!
Bushel – bushel - sacks full,
And my pockets full too! Huzza!
IN THE West Country of England - that's Devon and Somerset-(apologies, Zomerzet) – they're wassailing in the apple orchards, singing and dancing to propitiate the Old Apple Tree Man, spirit of the oldest tree in the orchard, in hopes of getting a good crop and a good pressing of cider (or zoider).
It's an old English custom for this time of year, dating back centuries. It takes on extra meaning as cider producers seek to get back ground from other drinks that have been creeping in on their market.
Apples be ripe, nuts be brown,
Petticoats up and trousers down …
Er, no, that's another traditional one certainly but it's from the May festival when the wassailing has done its work and they're relaxing. Right now they're busy with the serious stuff, pouring cider on the apple tree roots and tying slices of bread to the branches, as they sing and dance.
Yew can 'ave 'er, Oi don't want 'er,
'Er's too fat for Oi …
Arrrr! Nothing like the West Country of England.
re this slide:
An unburdening
A READER (who asks to remain nameless) unburdens himself of an experience of 35 years ago when he had dinner with a beautiful and intelligent blonde who simply swallowed her food without chewing – "sort of gagging". He found it disturbing.
"I mentioned that for digestive purposes it is best to masticate well.
"She replied: 'In public?'".
It's bothered him ever since.
Tailpiece
SHE goes into a hardware shop and asks for an axe. "It's for my husband."
"Did he say what poundage he wants?"
"Are you joking? He doesn't even know I'm going to kill him."
Last word
What we call "Progress" is the exchange of one nuisance for another nuisance. - Havelock Ellis
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