Comedy is a greasy pole
STRANGE and powerful forces are at play in today's world. Hlaudi Motsoeneng, the SABC one-man board and Faith Muthambi put on a high-kicking comedy turn that temporarily eclipses Nkandla, the arms deal inquiry and the Guptas.
But then Barack Obama expels 35 Russian diplomats as punishment for the hacking business. They're packed on a plane at short notice. Vat jou goed en trek, Ferreira!
The world waits breathlessly for Moscow's retaliation. Putin instead invites the American diplomats in his country to a New Year party at the Kremlin – plus their wives and kids.
Africa's a tragic comedy? Washington and Moscow have just stolen the show. We've a lot to learn.
In Britain, there's an organisation raising funds on the internet to prosecute Boris the Menace, foreign secretary, for the porky-pies he told during the Brexit referendum. They've already raised a tidy sum.
This one will run and run. International comedy is a greasy pole. You think you're on top, then those cunning imperialist monopoly capitalists and oligarchs from the northern hemisphere just turn things round. Our fellows have to polish up their act yet again.
Strange and powerful forces indeed.
Parish potters
Die kerk en die bar staan langs mekaar,
Ah-hum, ah-hum,
Die kerk en die bar staan langs mekaar.
Ah-hum, ah-hum,
Die kerk en die bar staan langs mekaar,
Dominee en barman die moere mekaar
Ah-hum, ah-hum. ah-hum …
THE above Afrikaans ditty (to the tune of Froggy Went A-Courting) relates to a clash between dominee and barman when the church and the bar are situated adjacent. Perhaps it's what animates the regulation in KwaZulu-Natal that a new liquor licence may not be granted within 500m of a church or a school.
Clearly, they don't want vespers enlivened by undue refreshment on the part of the choristers.
Yet here's something that seems to run absolutely counter to such sentiments. It's caused quite a row in England, reflected in the letters columns of the Daily Telegraph.
St Mary's Church at Witney, in Oxfordshire, holds beer festivals, setting up a pub in the church. The next one is in April, where parishioners will be able to sample 50 brands of home-brewed beer.
It runs from 12 noon until 10pm ("or when the beer runs out").
For traditionalists the mind boggles somewhat. Down-down-down contests with the vicar? Rugby songs at evensong?
People have written to the Telegraph expressing outrage. Others in support, saying the beer festivals have brought the town together, showing churchgoers to be good sports after all and permanently attracting people who would otherwise not have set foot in a church.
An odd one, to be sure.
Rescues
A SHEEP who got her head stuck in a traffic cone was among the most unusual animal rescues of 2016, according to the Royal Society for the Protection of Animals, in England.
Other strange animal rescues included:
· A seagull which turned orange after falling into a vat of cold tandoori curry in Newport (as recorded at the time in this column).
· A two-year-old corn snake named Vecky, which was discovered trapped in its owner's vacuum cleaner in York three months after going missing.
· A cat that was accidentally posted from Cornwall to West Sussex after she climbed into a box of second-hand CDs and DVDs.
No privacy
WITH grandchildren like this, who needs enemies? Don Griggs, 88, of Hamilton, Ohio, in the US - Poppy as they call him – was playing a card game with his family called Speak Out, that involves speaking without closing the mouth. This is achieved by insertion of a special mouthpiece.
Poppy unfortunately put the mouthpiece in backwards. As he started reading what was on his card, his dentures came loose, according to Huffington Post.
"We all started screaming. He made a face at my daughter, and out they came on the floor," said granddaughter Amy Taylor.
An embarrassing incident over a family table. But which was videoed and put on the internet and viewed more than 28 million times.
Hey Gramps, you gotta laugh!
Tailpiece
A TRUCK carrying copies of Roget's Thesaurus overturned on the highway. Onlookers were stunned, overwhelmed, astonished, bewildered and dumbfounded.
Last word
If living conditions don't stop improving in this country, we're going to run out of humble beginnings for our great men.
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