Dazzle your friends
KOLPAK. The word rolls off the tongue as people discuss the imminent departure for England of Kyle Abbot and Rilee Rossouw to play for Hampshire on Kolpak contracts.
But what is Kolpak? No, it's got nothing to do with a cold pack of beers. It's to do with the European Court of Justice.
Okay, steady on now and pay attention. This is important. Astound your friends with your erudition. Win bets in bars. But you'd better clip this out and keep it in your wallet because it's easy to forget.
Maros Kolpak was a Slovakian handball player with the German second division handball side TSV Ostringen. The German Handball Association prohibited member clubs fielding more than two non-EU citizens. At that time,Slovakia was not yet a member of the EU (it later joined). Slovakia did however have an association agreement with the EU.
Kolpak was dropped by his club as they had filled their quota of two non-EU players. Kolpak challenged this. The case was referred by the German higher court to the European Court of Justice for a determination on whether the association agreement between Slovakia and the EU provided equal rights for Slovak workers who were living and working legally within the EU. The court ruled in favour of Kolpak.
Thus the Kolpak Ruling declares that citizens of countries which have applicable association agreements with the EU, and who are lawfully working within an EU country, have equal rights to work as EU citizens and cannot have restrictions such as quotas placed upon them. Such countries include those within the African Caribbean and Pacific group of states, such as South Africa, Jamaica and Zimbabwe.
Ha! There you are! But the rest of the EU – France, Germany, Italy etc - hardly abounds in batsmen, pace bowlers, crafty spinners and wicketkeepers, which is why there are so many South Africans playing country cricket in England. Kolpak has completely frustrated attempts by the England Cricket Board to limit the number over overseas players in county sides. It's an open door for South Africans and Zimbabweans.
The same applies in rugby. That's why when Toulon play Toulouse, there are so many Van der Merwes on the field, the only guy who speaks French is the ref.
Kiwi flyhalf Andrew Mehrtens was born in Durban. That's why, when he opted for club rugby in England, he sought a South African passport. It allowed his club, Harlequins, to field an extra player from overseas.
If Britain leaves the EU, presumably the Kolpak ruling will no longer apply. Hence the rush for contracts.
Kolpak – dazzle your friends with your knowledge.
Still available
THERE is no truth in rumours that I have signed a Kolpak contract with Hampshire. My crafty legbreaks and googlies are still available to the Durban Press XI, the Dolphins and the Proteas, should they so desire.
I think I might have mentioned it before. I once took 4 for 32 against the RAF Red Arrows.
No, it's not true that I used to coach Shayne Warne.
Collapso
OF COURSE, this Kolpak crisis is all about the collapse in the value of the rand.
It's already affected our rugby. They say about 300 of our topline players are in European club rugby, all earning pounds or euros.
Three hundred? That's like 20 teams. Mama mia!
The only man who can save our rugby and cricket is Pravin Gordhan.
Poised to pounce
I ALWAYS thought a kuga was an older woman who pounces on younger men in bars and discos.
Now it seems it's a car that bursts into flames like the mythical phoenix.
Who could have thought there would be a connection between ancient mythology and modern automotive engineering?
You should see the car park at the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties – full of kugas waiting to pounce.
Tailpiece
A BUSLOAD of visitors are driving through Wales. They reach the town of Llanfgogoferrinfourasoch. Discussion breaks out as to how it's pronounced. They argue back and forth. They still haven't decided as they go into a restaurant for lunch.
One asks the waitress: "Can you help us with this, we can't agree. How do you pronounce the name of this place? Please say it very slowly so we can follow.
Waitress: "Bu-u-u-u-ur-r-r-r-rge-r-r-r-r-r Ki-i-i-i-ing."
Last word
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.
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