Bees and casualties
CONCERN is mounting in both America and Britain about the wiping out of large numbers of bees and other pollinators.
At Wilsonville, in the American state of Oregan, it was "raining bees" in the car park of a shopping centre, where they had been clustering under blooming linden trees.
About 50 000 were estimated to have been killed in one hit by pesticides put on the trees to control aphids.
In Britain, the government has announced a quest for a national strategy on pollinators, so many have disappeared due to pesticides, loss of habitat and an invasion by alien mites from south-east Asia which attack the bees.
Three-quarters of the world's food crops rely on pollinators – mainly bees – to become fertilised and to produce our food.
It's not certain what the position is in this country. The roof and ceiling of my outside study have not been invaded by bees for some years now – and I can live with that – but this lack of buzzing might be ominous.
On Sky News the other day they had a girl reporter managing to look dishy even in a beekeeper's outfit – veil, gloves, the lot – as she interviewed a beekeeping expert similarly attired at an apple orchard where beehives are an integral part of the production process.
Quite so – I once knew a fellow at Richmond who also maintained a large number of hives as an essential part of his citrus operation. He too would dress regularly in the veil, gloves and the rest of the heavy, protective clothing as he tended to his hives. Honey was a useful sideline.
Then one day he neglected to do up his fly. Eina! Beekeeping can have its casualties.
No name-drops
PRESIDENT Barack Obama landed at Waterkloof air base last week with his family and a whole entourage. They were met by a convoy of limousines.
We trust that Obama didn't have to do any name-dropping to get permission to land.
Port Sandton
INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener notes in his latest grumpy newsletter that the Africa Ports and Harbours Show was held in Sandton instead of in one of the country's actual harbour towns.
"Is our government taking the foolishness about threatened sea level rises to new heights of ridiculousness?"
Ninghai ball
A GROUP of Chinese deliverymen safely caught a two-and-a-half-year-old girl as she fell from an upstairs window.
It happened in the town of Ninghai, in Zhejiang province. The girl had woken from a sleep and climbed onto the windowsill. The deliverymen heard her cry, then gathered below with outstretched arms, waiting.
They successfully caught her – a bit of a joint effort – and the little girl, named Qiqi, escaped serious injury, getting no more than a graze.
If the Sharks are looking for somebody safe under the high ball, Ninghai is a good place to start.
Granny graduates
A MEXICAN grandmother has graduated from primary school at the age of 100. Senora Manuela Hernandez, who was born in the state of Oaxaca in June 1913, left primary school after just a year to help her poor family with the household chores.
She resumed her studies only last October at the age of 99, at the recommendation of one of her grandchildren. She was handed her diploma recently at a ceremony at the school and now intends going on to secondary school.
I wonder if she's got anyone lined up for the matric dance?
Tailpiece
VAN DER MERWE boards an aircraft for New York. A gorgeous woman takes the seat beside him.
"Business trip or vacation?" asks Van.
She smiles enchantingly. "Business. I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in the United States."
Van swallows hard. "What's your role at this convention?"
"Lecturer. I use my experience as a sexologist to disprove some popular myths about sexuality."
"Such as?"
"Well, one popular myth is that African-American men are the best-endowed. In fact it's the Native-American Indian.
"Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers. Actually it's the Greeks. We've also found that the best in all categories are the Irish. But here I am blurting all this out and I don't even know your name."
"Tonto. Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."
Last word
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.
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