A rebooting of history
IMAGINE if the digital age had dawned a few centuries earlier. Would the course of history have changed? Would at least the content have changed a bit?
Reader Eric Hodgson proffers these minutes from the deliberations in America in 1776:
Mr Jefferson: "Gentlemen, the summer grows hot, and it is essential that we complete this Declaration of Independence."
Mr. Franklin: "Wait a minute, Thomas. I have to reboot here."
Mr. Jefferson: "That's all right, Ben. We'll go on without you. Has everyone had a chance to look at the draft I posted yesterday?"
Mr Sherman: "Not yet, Thomas, I've been having Notes replication problems."
Mr Adams: "Here, Roger, I brought a hard copy."
Mr Sherman: "Thanks. Sa-a-a-a-ay, nice font!"
Mr Adams: "Do you like it? I downloaded it off Colonies Online just last week."
Mr Jefferson: "Gentlemen! There is work to be done. I fear our document will soon leak out."
Mr Livingston: "Too late, Thomas. There's already a bootleg circulating. I saw it posted on alt.georgeIII.stinks last night."
Mr Franklin: "@#$$%^$# General Protection Fault!"
Mr Adams: "Ben, you might try upgrading to Windows 75. It solved that problem for me."
Mr Sherman: "Thomas, the part here about the Acts of Pretended Legislation; have you considered using bullets to air out the text?"
Mr Jefferson: "I can fix that easily enough. Drat! I've spilled candle wax on my keyboard again."
Mr Adams: "You know, Thomas, that wouldn't happen if you'd buy an active-matrix screen."
Mr Franklin: "Hard-disk failure? Aw, crumbs!"
Mr Livingston: "Are you sure it's 'unalienable rights'? My spell checker recommends 'unassailable'."
Mr Jefferson: "Can we stick to the substance of the document please? Shoot! Low battery. Anyone got a spare power cable?"
Mr Sherman: "What have you got, a Toshiba? No, mine isn't compatible."
Mr Franklin: "Hello, PCs Philadelphia? What does it mean when the floppy drive buzzes? OK, I'll hold..."
Mr Livingston: "The 'In Congress' part here at the top; have you thought about blowing that up really big and maybe centring it in 72 point Helvetica?"
Mr Jefferson: "Not a bad idea. Aw, nuts! Word macro virus! I can't save the file."
Mr Franklin: "That's all right, Thomas. We can manage. Here, borrow my quill pen."
Yes, it seems the flow of history would have been much the same, the content only slightly different.
Forest magic
THE winter season at St Clement's came to a soulful close this week with the launch of Pieter Scholtz's book of short stories, The Enchanted Forest (Horus Publications).
Pieter is captivated by the magic of our indigenous forests and sees the trees in them as living, sentient beings with which we share our existence. This collection of stories ranges also to India and to the Holy Land; it encompasses time travel and quite a bit of mysticism. Also, a reworked traditional Zulu tale.
The forest that truly enchants Pieter is Dlinza, at Eshowe, which is where he grew up and where he recently befriended a family of blue duiker. The book has some wonderful photographs of the trees of Dlinza, captioned by verse in the strict 17-syllable Japanese haiku form. For example, the wild fig:
Ripe yellow berries
Lie rotting beneath. The tree
Doesn't care a fig.
There's to be a second launch at Eshowe on July 23, on the boardwalk in the Dlinza forest, under the new moon.
That really will be magic.
Hygiene records
MORE than 300 000 Nigerian children have set up a new world record for people brushing their teeth at the same time.
They gathered at a stadium in Lagos, as well as several smaller locations all over the city, and got brushing – all of it under the auspices of the Nigerian dental association.
The children broke a previous record set in India in 2007 where 177 003 people brushed their teeth at the same time.
Next week the folk of Isipingo plan to set up a world simultaneous gargling record.
Tailpiece
MOUNTAIN climber on the peak of Ben Nevis: "What a wonderful view. It's a pity I forgot the glasses."
Scots guide: "Hoot mon, we'll drink it oot the bottle!"
Last word
Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought.
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