Plants and maths
BRITISH scientists have discovered that plants use arithmetic to regulate food reserves at night. Researchers at the John Innes Centre in Norwich, England, studied the plant, Arabidopsis.
They found that overnight when the plant cannot use energy from sunlight to convert carbon dioxide into sugars and starches, it has to regulate its starch reserves so they last until dawn.
To calculate starch consumption so precisely, the plant has to perform a mathematical calculation – arithmetical division. The scientists say this is the first concrete example in biology of a sophisticated arithmetical calculation. It's not complex maths, they say, but it's certainly arithmetic.
Oddly enough, scientists here in Durban are performing similar experimentation with the plant, Cannabis Sativa. But they're discovering not just arithmetical division; they're picking up the most complicated mathematical formulations; excursions into the realms of philosophy and fantasy that are absolutely mind-blowing. The experimentation is on-going.
Scholtzim
DURBAN has coined a new literary form. At St Clement's the other night, we had the outcome of this year's 100-word short story competition, initiated three years ago by compere Pieter Scholtz, former Professor of Drama at the university. This year's entries were judged by my old colleague and fellow-columnist on the Sunday Tribune, David Baschkin.
Dave pointed out that the traditional short story form has about 3 000 words. Pieter has developed something that, in its pithiness and condensed meaning, deserves its own name, such as the Japanese haiku in poetry.
He suggested therefore that the St Clement's 100-worder should in future be known as a scholtz. Because scholtz translates very clumsily into an English plural, the Hebrew plural form should be used – scholtzim.
The soiree carried it by acclamation.
The winning scholtz was by James Parker, titled Machiavelli.
"We were friends, though we had very little in common. He was capable of killing people on a grand scale. I wasn't. He enjoyed carnal pleasures. I did not. He exhibited ingenuity. Alas, I was always ingenuous.
"So, you may wonder why it is that I described our relationship as 'friends'. I will tell you: He hadn't the inclination or facility to write down his deeds and edicts. I did that for him in a style of which he was incapable. In that way I, as a monk, get a roof over my head, and he'll be remembered throughout history."
Runner-up was well-known local artist Barbara Siedle with Fandango.
"She arrived home mid morning. Unusual, but I didn't care. She tousled my hair and strode to the kitchen . Abandoned on the floor lay a red high heel shoe which led to another lying jauntily further on. A dress positively slithered under her feet.
"The trail led to the bedroom . I was close behind her. She paused at the door and straightened her shoulders before she entered.
"'Is three a crowd, or is there room for me?'
"A giggle , a guffaw and I was on the bed too barking loudly. I wasn't going to be left out of this fandango."
Unplaced though noteworthy was the contribution of Andrew Verster, another well-known local artist. He swears he did not write it himself but copied it direct from the label on a wine bottle. He calls it Wine Talk.
"This is a well-rounded, fruity, easy-drinking white blend with a hint of tropical fruit. It possesses a bold new style redolent of juicy cassis and brambles, with dusty undertones of peach and citrus, hints of mountain herb and rosemary and wild thyme, overtones of fynbos and lavender, underpinned by subtle grassy-hay and leather flavours. It possesses blending expertise and innovation to express varietal identity and a palpable sense of terroir. It imparts dignity to cheeses, foie gras, as well as liver and smoked fish pates and hors d'ordeuvres, bouillabaisse and lobster. It is ideally suited as an everyday drinking wine."
Gezundheit!
Tailpiece
A TOURIST couple are lost driving in Canada. They come to a town. She winds down her window to speak to a fellow standing on the pavement.
"Excuse me, where are we?"
"Saskatoon, Saskatchewan."
She turns despairingly to her husband. "Now we're really lost. They don't even speak English here."
Last word
If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.
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