Das tapeworm talk
THE GERMAN language has lost its longest word. This was Rindfleischetikettierungsueberwachungsaufgabenuebertragungsgesetz - meaning "law delegating beef label monitoring" which was introduced in 1999 in the state of Mecklenburg-Western Pomerania.
But it has been repealed following changes to European Union regulations on the testing of cattle.
German is famous/notorious for compound words to describe anything legal or scientific. They are known in Germany as "tapeworm" words.
What is now the language's longest word? A contender seems to be Donaudampfschifffahrtsgesellschaftskapitaenswitwe, meaning "the widow of a Danube steamboat company captain".
The longest German word actually in the dictionary is Kraftfahrzeughaftpflichtversicherung, meaning "automobile liability insurance".
But you can't beat the Welsh for tapeworm words. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch is the name of a railway station in Wales. It means "St Mary's Church in the hollow of the white hazel near a rapid whirlpool and the Church of St Tysilio of the red cave". (Nor can you accuse the Welsh of lack of precision). The name is believed to be the longest in the world.
Do we have any local contenders? An Idler predecessor, John Vigor, used to write about a South Coast town called Amanzimbogintwinimpingoburgh, but I fear he was having us on.
We once did have an army parade ground term: Maakasofjulleloopmaarmoenieloopnie! (Mark time!), which was quite impressive, especially the way it was delivered.
The sergeant would bellow: Maakasofjulleloopmaarmoenieloop …" and the squad would keep on marching. Then as he finished it with a slightly hysterical, highpitched "Nie!" they would start marking time.
But they've long since abbreviated the command and we're no longer contenders for the parade ground terminology section of the Guinness Book of Records. It seems a pity
Smuggler cat
A CAT HAS been caught smuggling contraband into a Russian prison, A guard spotted it climbing the fence of the jail at Syktykar, in the remote northern province of Komi, about 1 000 km from Moscow.
He caught the cat and found it had cellphones and chargers taped to its body, presumably for the use of prisoners – which, of course, is verboten. A cat? The prison authorities are completely stumped. They've never known it to happen before.
Now where is it again that those girls from Pussy Riot have been locked up?
Happy event
A SCOTS lass has given birth to her third set of twins. The girls – to be called Rowan and Isla – were born to Karen Rodger, 41, and her husband, Colin, 45.
They are sisters to boys Lewis and Kyle, 14, and Finn and Jude, 12.
The odds against a woman giving birth to three sets of twins are calculated as 500 000 to one.
Karen and Colin say they are "over the moon" about the new arrivals and plan to convert the loft of their house into a bedroom for the girls.
A happy occasion indeed and one that will have the taxman grinding his teeth. He probably considers this another of those dodgy tax avoidance schemes.
Green energy
ONE WEARIES sometimes of crying from the ramparts like Cassandra, but a headline on this page yesterday read: "Time to push for a healthier national energy policy". Two campaigners highlighted the dreadful cost, in terms of human health, of coal-fired power stations.
Yet here in KZN we already have an alternative. For 40 years and more, hydrologists, engineers and economists studied the hydro-electric potential of the Tugela Basin. It could produce energy to support several megacities without poisoning the atmosphere or producing hazardous radioactive waste, they said. It could supply energy needs way beyond the borders of KZN.
The Department of Water Affairs had plans for a catchment transfer from the Eastern Cape, to augment the Tugela Basin.
Then things went quiet. Why? Were those hydrologists, engineers and economists hallucinating all those years? Were they smoking their shoelaces?
Somebody needs to start blowing the dust off those Tugela Basin plans. What could be cleaner, and ultimately cheaper, than hydro power?
Tailpiece
The graduate with a science degree asks: "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks:, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks: "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks: "Do you want fries with that?"
Last word
A chess genius is a human being who focuses vast, little-understood mental gifts and labours on an ultimately trivial human enterprise.
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