| The big tourism push BLAND, Dull and Boring … this is the new tripartite line-up that plans to take things by storm in international tourism. The village of Dull, in Perthshire. Scotland, teamed up some time ago with Boring, in Oregan, in the US, to use their names as an international marketing drawcard. Now the shire of Bland, in New South Wales, Australia, wants to link up with them to promote itself as a place also worth visiting. Shire councillor Tony Lord says Bland has had a lot of fun poked at it over the years but jokes can bring benefits. Nobody has told us yet what is actually on offer in Bland, Dull and Boring, but stand by for some crackerjack announcements. Do we have any locality that could qualify to join this international network? There's Dullestroom, but that name has already been taken. How about De Hel, that place down in the Karoo? Bland, Dull and Boring as De Hel. Yes, it has a nice ring. Real comrade A SNIPPET from yesterday's Comrades Marathon. Sally Bosch lives at the bottom of Field's Hill and every year she pops down to encourage the runners and hand out water. Early yesterday a runner turned back and shouted sincerely: "You too are a Comrade!" "That touched my heart in a big way." Another legend MORE on Maritzburg College headmasters. Reader Sally Stretch says another College legend was John H "Froggy" Snow. While he was headmaster during World War II, all the male teachers at the school had gone off to war and been replaced with women who, unaccustomed to dealing with boys, were not coping too well on the discipline front. The boys were getting out of hand. Froggy's solution was a liberal use of the cane, which resulted in a parent complaining to the Education Department, who wrote to Froggy asking for his comment. His reply: "I acknowledge receipt of your letter and in reply I quote the Psalm of old: 'Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me'. You have taken my staff - I have only my rod left." Crooner AMERICAN satirist Andy Borowitz has a piece in the New Yorker in which he has a Republican congressman threatening to impeach President Obama for occupying government housing without paying a dime; also for getting three free meals a day for himself and his family. Then a line jumps out at you. "In keeping with Mr Obama's bloated lifestyle as 'Superstar-in-Chief,' the congressman added: 'The President travels with an entourage of highly trained bodyguards who would put Jay-Z's posse to shame.'" Jay-Z's posse? Is he talking about our President JZ and his siren-wailing blue-light entourage? Has this become such an international talking point that it's made the New York satire columns? No, silly me. Borowitz meant the American rap star, Jay-Z, not our JZ. Anyway, our president is not so much a rap artist as a crooner: "Awuleth' umshini wami …" Monkey action A TINY macaque monkey named Darwin is the focus of a custody battle in the Canadian courts. He was found lost in the car park outside a Toronto store last year, wearing a miniature sheepskin coat and a nappy. He belongs to a Mrs Yasmin Nakhuda, but it's illegal to own monkeys in Canada. Darwin was confiscated by Toronto Animal Services and has been placed in a primate sanctuary. Now Mrs Nakhuda has gone to court, trying to get him back. One wishes her luck but it's a sad little story all the same. She should emigrate to Durban. Here we most of us own dozens of monkeys, hundreds even. I have them in my garden every other day. Last week I had a couple in my kitchen, tucking into eggs which they first smashed on the floor. They don't quite have the class of Darwin the macaque. They don't wear sheepskin coats and nappies. But I'm sure they'd be willing to learn. Darwin could become an agent of social upliftment. |
Tailpiece
Dear Mother-in-law,Don't teach me how to handle my children. I'm living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.Daughter in law. |
Last word
The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty.
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