Riotous stuff in Piemburg
FOR PEOPLE in Pietermaritzburg, part of the fun of the early Tom Sharpe satirical novels was identifying the characters in them.
Riotous Assembly (by Sharpe's own account written in three weeks) and Indecent Exposure were set in the city – he called it Piemburg – around the late 1950s. They mercilessly lampooned apartheid and the grimly serious South African Police who were charged with enforcing it.
They also lampooned the very pukka "English colonial" set, who had been politically emasculated but still knew a thing or two about putting inferiors in their place.
Sharpe has died in Spain, aged 85, after a long career of humorous writing, much of it totally bizarre. It all started in Piemburg, Sharpe drew on his time there as a teacher then freelance photographer.
Some of his characters were instantly recognisable. The easygoing, Angophile Kommandant Van Heerden just had to be the police colonel who was a leading light in the local operatic society and a great tenor. The surly, Anglophobic and ideologically obsessed Luitenant Verkramp was, I am sure, a senior detective of the day.
To students who had occasional encounters with the police – they frequented a pub at the Imperial Hotel, just opposite police HQ - the near-cretinous Konstabel Els was also instantly recognisable. But only Sharpe could have portrayed him getting into an altercation with his dog so intense that they bit each other's genitalia and went whirling down the street like a Catherine wheel.
The acidly snobbish Lady Hazelstone was obviously a play on the Shepstone name - the family of colonial administrators – but she seemed more of a type than an actual individual and could have been any one of the Pietermaritzburg society matrons of that era.
A lot of fun, much of it totally over the top and bizarre. Not surprisingly, Sharpe was deported at the time South Africa became a republic in 1961. Humour was not highly developed in the apartheid ideologues. But perhaps they did him a favour. He went on to write a lot hilarious stuff set in England.
Navigational error?
NASA is thinking about getting its Curiosity rover on the road again and heading towards Mount Sharp in Mars's Gale Crater.
The robot has spent the past six months in a small depression, drilling its rocks and analysing their composition. It regularly sends back vivid colour photographs of an arid, rock-strewn surface.
The latest excavation/ analysis in the Yellowknife Bay depression reveals mudstone rock laid down billions of years ago in a benign water setting, possibly a lake.
Arid rock-strewn surface, ancient mudstone … are they sure there's not some gross navigational error and they're investigating the Griquas rugby field at Kimberley?
A-list odyssey
IT SEEMS Justin Bieber will be literally mingling with the stars. He's signed up for a trip into space, possibly next year.
The kiddie pop star is the latest A-lister to join the Virgin Galactic mission, which will includes Leonardo Di Caprio and Ashton Kutcher.
Richard Branson, who is organising the trip, tweeted him: "Congrats, see you up there!"
The trip will cost Bieber $250 000. (R2.5 million).
A-listers in outer space – the idea is appealing but unfortunately, with today's communications technology, they'll still be on our TV screens every night, having fun floating inanely about the place.
Tailpiece
AN ENGINEER is crossing the road when a frog calls out to him: "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess." He bends down, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket.
The frog speaks up again: "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for a week." The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and puts it back.
The frog cries out: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a week and you can do anything you want." Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles and puts it back in his pocket.
Finally the frog asks: "What's the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
"Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend but a talking frog—now that's cool."
Last word
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
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