Elephant in the room
BELUGA whales in aquariums in San Diego and Vancouver are said to be picking up human speech. Now an elephant at a South Korean zoo is said to be doing the same.
The elephant, 20-year old Kosik, can vocalise at least seven words in Korean, according to his keepers at Evereland theme park, in Yong-in, and his pronunciation is picking up nicely.
A team of German scientists have now arrived at the zoo to study the phenomenon.
Where does this take us? The elephant in the room who everyone ignores as he stands in the corner reciting Milton's Paradise Lost?
The mind, senor, she boggles!
Monkey slapstick
THE MONKEY menace continues to dominate conversation. At a lunch club gathering the other day, one fellow described how he sees them off by firing marbles at them with a catapult. Another said haricot beans make better catapult ammo – they're still remarkably accurate and sting just as hard but there's less chance of collateral damage.
Yet another described how monkeys came into his kitchen and stole a huge cream cake. They took it onto the roof where they began squabbling over it; then it got better than a Laurel and Hardy show as they started pelting one another with cream cake. The monkeys left, literally dripping with cream, and looking foolish and uncomfortable.
I wonder about those haricot beans. The monkeys in my neighbourhood would simply open their mouths and allow their pouches to be stuffed.
Monkey blog
BUT AT LEAST our monkeys haven't yet appeared on Facebook. In Florida an escaped monkey gone wild has led the authorities a merry dance for more than two years and even had its own Facebook page – The Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay – set up by human supporters. From Facebook it taunted the wildlife authorities as it went on its marauding way.
The monkey was darted and captured recently soon after biting a woman at Lake Maggiore, St Petersburg.
His fate is in the balance. Maybe they will put him in a zoo, maybe they'll just send him to Durban.
Monkey map
MEANWHILE, Zoltan de Rosner, of Pennington, expresses confidence in the Monkey Action Plan (MAP) proposed by city official Rampal Moonsammy.
"This grouping, where it is mandatory for all women to dress like men, is not a bad idea as a month in drag is sure to confuse the little fellas. Such a ploy is sure to confound the artful dodgers and make them reconsider urban living.
"Another MAP strategy could be to ship the little hairy ones off to the Bluff where they'll be beamed up to those ever-present spaceships and transported to another planet.
"Or what about entering them in Ladysmith's Lucky Legs Competition? With so many minds on the task, I am confident that MAP will show us the way."
Monkey talk
MARY Ann Grafetsberger, of South Beach, suggests that, given reports of a talking Beluga whale and now a talking elephant, perhaps it's time we sought out a few talking monkeys so they can take part in the Durban Indaba on monkeys.
"We could inform these delightful creatures that humans do not have the time or brain capacity to strike a balance between us and them."
Weather theory
MY ZULU housekeeper tells me the folk out there are saying the continuing beastly weather can be attributed to the wrath of the Inkanyamba, a five-headed snake that lives in the river and has the power to summon up gales and storms to blow down people's homes.
She says the story goes that some inyangas (herbalists) captured one of the Inkanyamba's young to make muti out of it – and she is now furious and having revenge.
I don't know what to make of this, but it seems as good an explanation as any.
Tailpiece
AN AUSSIE blonde is being quizzed.
Quizmaster: "What two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?"
Aussie blonde: "Today and tomorrow."
Quizmaster: "How many seconds are there in a year?"
Aussie blonde: "Twelve. Second of January, second of February, second of March …"
Quizmaster: "What was the name of the Jolly Swagman in Waltzing Matilda?"
Aussie blonde: "Andy"
Quizmaster: "Andy?"
Aussie blonde: "Yes. Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited while his billy boiled …"
Last word
Art is anything you can get away with. – Marshall McLuhan
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