Origin of (alien) species
ECUADOR is preparing to massacre more than 180 million rats as it seeks to eradicate them from the Galapagos Islands.
A helicopter will drop 22 tons of poisonous bait on Pinzon Island, an uninhabited isle in the archipelago 600 miles off the coast of Ecuador, and on the nearby Plaza Sur islet.
It is the second stage in an offensive that aims to kill by 2020 all non-native rodents across the 19 islands that helped inspire Charles Darwin's theory of evolution.
Norway rats and black rats were introduced by whalers and buccaneers when they reached the islands in the 17th century and now feed on the eggs and young of many of the native species, including giant tortoises, lava lizards, snakes, hawks and iguanas. The rats have also depleted the plants on which many native species feed.
One can see the need to reverse the environmental damage caused by the introduction of alien rats. But is poisoning really the answer? As with whaling and buccaneering, a seemingly harmless intervention can have unpredictable results.
It might be simpler and cheaper just to hire a Pied Piper.
Monkey Man
A JAPANESE has been named by Guinness World Records as the world's fastest man on four limbs. Kenichi Ito, 30 – affectionately known as "Monkey Man" – ran 100m in 17.47 seconds, on all fours.
He has been training for nine years and bases his technique on primates' movements, specifically the African Patas monkey. He hopes eventually to be faster than Usain Bolt.
"One day, I am certain, all sprinters will be running on all fours. That is my dream," he says.
In the shorter term meanwhile here is a man with a future in Durban - chasing and harassing the vervet monkeys.
Great answers
SOME questions and answers from GCSE examinations in Britain, sat by 16-year-olds.
· Name the four seasons. - Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
· Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. - Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
· How is dew formed? - The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
· What causes the tides in the oceans? - The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.
· What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? - If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.
· What are steroids? - Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
· What happens to your body as you age? - When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
· What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
· What is the fibula? - A small lie.
· What does "varicose" mean? – Nearby.
· Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean section". - The Caesarean section is a district in Rome.
· What is a seizure? - A Roman emperor.
· What is a terminal illness? - When you are sick at the airport.
Wolf goes down
GRANDMAMA, what big, strong wrists you have! Aishat Maksudova, of Novo Biryuzyak village in the Dagestan region of Russia, was herding cows and sheep when a wolf attacked a calf.
The 56-year-old grandmother rushed at the wolf with an axe to scare it off, but instead of running it turned on her. It bit at her hand and legs until she hit it on the head with the axe, killing it stone dead.
Little Red Riding Hood was not available for comment.
Our man Mac
AS THE MANGAUNG showdown approaches, Ian Gibson, Bard of Hillcrest, pens some lines on the efforts of Mac Maharaj to carry his boss through.
That feisty spin-doctor called Maharaj,
(Remember all those Mercs in his ga-haraj?);
Is protecting old Zuma
From insidious rumour,
And "comrades" bent on stopping his charge.
Tailpiece
WHAT happens when you cross a Pekingese with a Lhasa Apso? You get a Peekasso - an abstract dog.
Last word
If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
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