Conditions of eeriness
CONFUSION and panic spread across the land at the weekend as a soft, yellow luminescence eerily showed itself. Was this some impending meteorological disaster? Was the Inkanyamba – the five-headed snake that lives in the Umgeni – about to inflict fire and brimstone?
It took a while for the import to sink in. Old men with grey beards remembered a time when such things heralded growth, times of plenty and test cricket. The weather bureau announced that it was a freak condition known as "sunlight", caused by winds driving away the rain clouds.
Down at Merseyside we celebrated with some great jazz. Barry Varty and his gang were in wonderful form with a swing theme, winding up with When The Saints Go Marching In. It brought the house down.
Later, the Boks somehow pulled it off in Ireland. Patrick Lambie scored 11 of our 16 points.
Happy days are here again!
All Irish?
MEANWHILE, what can have possessed the Irish rugby authorities to put their side into black jerseys to play again the Boks instead of the white they normally wear against us? Black and green are not exactly a sharp contrast, especially for TV viewers.
Or was this the idea of the TV networks, who are said to make all the decisions in rugby these days? (Let's force them to go high definition).
Stand by for Ireland versus the All Blacks.
Soiree switches
THE SEASON of Mondays at Six soirees at the Alliance Francaise ended on a high note last week with Budgie Smith presenting a collage of films on eccentric artist Neil Sack, Neil's eccentric son Steve, artist Andrew Verster (notorious forger of passports to frustrate the apartheid regime) and the highly eccentric artist Walter Batiss.
Batiss's orgiastic sketches were especially intriguing and it was enthralling to watch him so accurately sketching the female form with just a few deft strokes, his pen seemingly propelled by the subject matter. It's heartening to watch a man so deeply engrossed in his work.
Tonight the venue reverts to St Clement's, where Pieter Scholtz's latest book, Tales from the Graveyard (Horus) will be launched. This is set in a cemetery near the small village of Loupiac, in France, where Pieter has a second home.
For those of nervous disposition, absinthe will be served.
Celtic festivals
READER Brian Kennedy says the Celtic festival of Samhain does not signify the end of summer (as I wrote in the recent piece on Halloween).
"Samhain, November 1, celebrates the end of the harvest and the start of winter. Hence the importance of fruit and nuts on Halloween.
"There are three other old Celtic festivals to mark various stages in the year. Imbolc, February 1, the start of spring; Bealtaine, May 1, the start of summer; and Lunasa, August 1, the start of the harvest.
"All these feasts have been Christianised over the course of centuries but people in the Celtic countries still celebrate them just as our ancient ancestors did, many today not knowing the ancient symbolism."
When it's Imbolc again I'll import again
Tulips from Amsterdam …
Mamwips
STEVE Chatteris, of Durban North, has invented a new acronym: Mamwips. It stands for Middle-Aged Men With iPads.
Steve says it's an exasperated response to his middle-aged Yuppie pals showing off their iPads.
I couldn't agree more. The Remington typewriter is as far as nature intended us to go.
Pun-itive stuff
MORE agonising puns:
· Energiser bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
· I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
· How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
· Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
· When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
A-a-a-a-argh! Enough! Enough!
Nkandla again
IAN GIBSON, poet laureate of Hillcrest, pens a few lines on the burgeoning Zuma residence.
The Nation, in inspissated* gloom,
Hears analysts predicting our doom;
But where is the Leader?
Asks a news reader.
Why! At Nkandla, adding another guest-room.
*Don't worry, I've checked. Inspissation is the process of thickening by dehydration.
Tailpiece
A TENNESSEE state trooper pulls over a pickup: "Got any ID?"
Pickup driver:"Any idee 'bout whut?"
Last word
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
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