Political dead-heat (1)
ROBERT "Bobby" McDonald fought a hard election campaign for a seat on Walton City Council, Kentucky, in the US. When his wife Katie phoned 10 minutes before the polls closed to say she'd dozed off and had not yet managed to get to the polling booths, he told her not to bother – he had it in the bag.
In fact he'd tied with his nearest opponent Olivia Ballou. Now they have to spin a coin to decide the outcome.
So that's what democracy comes down to – the spin of a coin. When you think of the multi-millions spent by Obama and Romney on their presidential contest, a great deal of time. money and effort could have been saved.
This is not to suggest that the US presidency should be decided on the spin of a coin. Pure chance is not a sound ingredient for democracy. But something like arm-wrestling, a game of matches or even a spitting contest would be a lot less trouble and much more fun.
Political dead-heat (2)
THE INCIDENT recalls an election I once covered in the small Free State town of Fauresmith. It was the bad old days when the Nats were being strongly challenged by the breakaway Conservatives.
Fauresmith was a divided community. Nobody discussed politics in the bar because fighting would immediately break out. My prime informant was the hotel proprietor, an old Bloedsap (relic of the Smuts era) who was totally impartial, having no time for the Nats or the CP.
Judging from the bar fights, he said, the contest was on a knife-edge, evenly poised. I filed a report to this effect. But unfortunately my last sentence was lost in transmission – the one where I actually predicted a dead-heat.
Thus was I robbed of the distinction of predicting in print an exact tie in an election, which is what happened in Fauresmith. (Some people accuse me of embroidering this account, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it).
No, I don't think there'll be a dead-heat in Mangaung.
Spooky stuff
LAST Monday at St Clement's saw the launch of Pieter Scholtz's latest book, Tales From The Graveyard (Horus), which consists of ghost stories with a difference.
Set in a cemetery near the small French village of Loupiac, where Pieter has a second home, the tales include a ghostly boxing match and the attempts by the deceased madame of the local bordello to induce in her former clients – also resident in the cemetery – the fleshly lusts that had once made things zing.
Introducing the book, communications specialist Chris Voysey described Pieter as the only person he knows who can get humour into a ghost story. Yes, it's unusual and the readings were a lot of fun.
Tonight sculptor Andries Botha tells us about the work in an earlier era of Mary Stainbank. Cheryl Curry, of the Wilderness Leadership School, will speak about plans to establish a gallery of Mary Stainbank's sculpture at Coedmore Castle, the school's HQ in the Stainbank Nature Reserve.
Tailpiece
A COUPLE are having a terrible row. She throws a bottle at him but misses. It sails over the garden wall and there is a resounding crash from next door. They rush round to apologise.
Next door a handsome fellow is reclining in the shade of a tree. "I'm a genie," he says. "I'd been trapped in that bottle for 35 years. Now you've released me, I will grant you three wishes. But then you must grant me one wish. Do you agree?"
They nod.
"What's your first wish, Sir?"
"I'd like a hundred million bucks in my bank account."
"Done! And yours, Ma'am?"
"I'd like a bank vault crammed with jewellery."
"Done! And your final wish, Sir?"
"I'd like to own a big house in every country in the world."
"Done! And now for my wish. I haven't slept with a woman for 35 years. I'd like to sleep with your wife tonight."
This throws them rather. But a deal is a deal. Look at what he's given them. And a genie is not really human anyway. No harm surely.
A steamy night ensues. Next morning the genie says: "What ages are your husband and yourself?"
"He's 38, I'm 32."
"Thirty-eight and 32. And you still believe in genies?"
Last word
The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness.
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