The Idler, Wednesday, November 21

Oompah, oompah, oompah-pah!

 

Fal, lal lal, ist mein Viola,

Zoom, zoom, zoom, das ist mein Cymbal,

Bom, bom, bom, das ist mein Trombone,

Tic, knock knock das ist Triangle,

Pilly, willy wink, das ist mein Fifie,

Rub a dub a dub das ist mein Drummel,

Mein pilly willy wink,

Mein tic knock knock,

Mein bom bom bom,

Mein zoom zoom zoom,

Mein fal lal lal,

Mein Whackahackahack, das ist mein ToodleSach …

 

WELL, only the bagpipes (ToodleSach/doedelsak) were missing from the stirring German oompah band that has just about raised the roof in Durban in recent days at the travelling Bierfest, that has also been in Cape Town and Johannesburg.

Das wast gut. A more or less continuous blast of traditional German brass, merging into some really great Dixie and some folk numbers. Lots of crazy dancing. Things like eisbein mit kantoffel on the menu. Gorgeous frauleins running hither and thither bearing foaming 1-litre tankards of a range of beers. Does it get better than this?

What a party! You'd think you were in Munich. It was difficult to believe five hours went by so fast. Das musiek … Das frauleins … Mein pilly willy wink …

Ein Prosit der Gemutlickeit!

Bizarre colours

THE COLOURS worn by national rugby sides in the current northern hemisphere fixtures are becoming increasingly bizarre. Last weekend England took the field against Australia wearing Episcopalian purple.

Are they being sponsored by the Church of England? In that case the terminology might also have changed slightly - drop-outs now from the 22-mitre line, while the sin bin has become the penance pit.

I didn't notice. Maybe the ref was wearing a clerical collar.

 

 

Nkandla mortgage?

 

INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener says in his latest grumpy newsletter that there must be some concern in banking circles at the news that President Zuma has a mortgage over his home at Nkandla.

"There must have been a worried call from head office to a bank in Zululand after President JZ claimed that his rather splendid home of many features was financed with a mortgage bond. This, he said, happened after a family decision to rebuild the place after it had twice been burned down.

"The suits in Joburg will be asking the mortgage department at the branch some tricky questions. Like: 'Have you seen and are you holding title deeds? Did you take into account the fact that the mortgagor is in a temporary post which he might possibly even lose in Bloemfontein next month. Further, do you know how many wives and children he has to support on his income before servicing the loan? And does he have adequate fire insurance?'

"The main revelation here is that the Pres has somehow obtained title for his piece of Africa despite the fact that large tracts of government-owned land in these so-called tribal areas are mostly unregistered. Many citizens occupy their homes at the whim of a 'traditional leader' or chief and it has long been a concern that without title those residents cannot use the land they have lived on for generations to raise capital. JZ's mortgage might just be a glimmer of some really good news for the many dispossessed."

Dust devils

NASA'S Curiosity rover has been encountering dust devils on the surface of Mars.

"A dust-devil looks essentially like a tiny tornado that is lifting dust," says Nasa scientist Manuel de la Torre Juarez . "Understanding these phenomena is very important because the Martian climate is driven largely by its dust cycle."

Quite so. But are they sure there hasn't been a navigational error? What they describe sounds very much like the Griquas rugby field in Kimberley.

 

Tailpiece

A PHYSICIAN, an engineer, and an attorney are discussing whose profession is the oldest.

Physician: "On the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Medicine is the oldest profession."

Engineer: "But before that God created heaven and earth from chaos and confusion. He was the first engineer. Engineering is an older profession."

Attorney: "Who do you think created all the chaos and confusion in the first place?"

 

Last word

 

Works of art, in my opinion, are the only objects in the material universe to possess internal order, and that is why, though I don't believe that only art matters, I do believe in Art for Art's sake.

EM Forster