Romance at last
LOVE is in the air – at last. For too long now our news columns have monotonously related incidences in public life of graft, corruption, kickbacks, rigged tenders, failure to disclose interests, nepotism and waste – all of it on a colossal scale.
It has become overwhelming, repetitive, difficult to digest and frankly depressing. But now at last there's a spark of humanity in the story, some love interest. At least two of the corruption sagas that currently grace the newspaper pages involve – along with the multi-millions – what is delicately referred to as a "romantic partner".
This is the breath of fresh air we've been waiting for. What's a horror comedy without some love interest? What's Romeo without Juliet? What's a corruption story without a "romantic partner"?
The national theatre of the absurd has a new lease of life. "Romantic partners" give a zest to proceedings. It's not just snouts in the trough, it's true love too.
I myself am already rewriting the stage production I'd been working on, which involves MECs and other politicos whizzing through speed traps, jumping traffic lights, dodging traffic fines and dodging warrants of arrest – now I can bring in the love interest as well.
Was he speeding to deliver a four-hour harangue on the imminent delivery of school textbooks – or was it for an assignation with a "romantic partner"? It's just what the script needed.
I must get Bongani Ngema involved in this; get him to weave his magic – a high-kicking chorus line of plump policewomen writing out speeding tickets; sirens and blue lights; and, shimmying in the background, the "romantic partners".
I'm working on the libretto:
I am the very model of a modern city manager,
SUVs and limousines etcetera etcetera;
Junketings and other things, you really ought to stay for it,
Don't worry friends, it never ends, the ratepayer will pay for it …
Broadway, here we come!
Border incident
TENSIONS are rising between Sweden and the former Soviet republic of Belarus. Swedish civil rights activists hired an aircraft to drop 879 teddy bears over Belarus, each one bearing a slogan in support of human rights.
Belarus has expelled the Swedish ambassador. Sweden has responded by expelling his Belarussian counter part.
Meanwhile, the teddy bear invasion has prompted Belarussian President Alexander Lukashenko to sack his chief of air defence and the head of the border guard service. He has ordered that future teddy bear invasions should be fired on.
Who says European affairs are dull or irrelevant?
Giant sarmie
DOZENS of cooks joined forces in Mexico City to prepare what – at 53m long - they claim is the world's largest sandwich. It was part of the opening ceremony of the ninth annual Torta Fair, celebrated in the borough of Venustiano Carrazanda.
A torta is a type of sandwich popular in Mexican cuisine, and can be stuffed with egg, sausage, ham, steak, or cheese. Fifty-five sandwich-makers helped in this one's preparation. It weighed 700kg and had 70 different fillings, including steak, chicken, seafood, turkey, fish and bacon.
It sounds like the kind of thing they used to do down at Mick's Pie Cart in the old days. Also the Nest and the Cuban Hat.
Whale
THE CARCASS of an 11m humpback whale has been discovered in a swimming pool at Newport beach, in New South Wales, Australia. The 30-ton mammal had been washed into the pool by exceptionally heavy seas.
I'm so glad it didn't turn out to be Shane Warne.
Not fussed
QUOTE of the week comes from Heather McCann, of Cats Protection, an animal welfare organisation in London. A tabby named Yonda had survived a 2 000-mile journey from Turkey to Kent, hidden in the back of a lorry.
"We can only imagine she jumped into the trailer to find somewhere warm to sleep. I'm sure she never expected to wake up in England."
I'm sure she didn't. In fact I'm sure Yonda had never even heard of England. Or of Turkey for that matter. Or Australia. Or America.
Cats command all that they survey, but they're simply not fussed about geography.
Tailpiece
"DUDE, are you throwing stones at my window? What do you have a phone for?"
"Sorry, you're right."
"Hey, did you just throw a phone at my window?"
Last word
Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners.
No comments:
Post a Comment