Thursday, August 9, 2012

The Idler, Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Santa in blue jeans

 

IT'S ASTONISHING sometimes how you catch up with old friends. Last Sunday after a lazy lunch at Royal Natal Yacht Club – the bay looking absolutely superb in this winter weather – somebody suggested we go on to Greyville to listen to live music.

 

Live music in Greyville on a Sunday afternoon? Sure enough, there's a place in Stamford Hill Road. Appropriately enough, it's called Live! You go into a dimly lit, barn-like place with lines of tables, set out a bit like a German beerhall.

 

At one end is a stage with all kinds of strobe lights and other electronic gizmos. But what caught my attention was a bulky figure on-stage who looked like Father Christmas in blue jeans. I recognised the fine features and flowing locks of my old pal, Smelly Fellows.

 

Smelly is one of the characters of the Durban music scene. He also used to have a pub at Wilson's Wharf called Sir Benjamin's Landing. This was in the old control tower for the flying boats that were once based in Durban harbour. Obviously it had a splendid view of the harbour.

 

Sir Benjamin's is no more, alas. What remains of the control tower is incorporated in the Catalina Theatre – the name a reminder of the flying boat days.

 

But Smelly and his band, Salty Dog, are still belting it out. As he explained, Live! has a couple of gigs during the week and Sunday afternoons are given over to "the old geezers like us". They shared the stage with two other "mature" groups, a real blast from the past. Smelly says they plan to go really retro – back to numbers from Buddy Holley and Bill Haley and the Comets.

 

Come on without,

Come on within,

You ain't seen nothin' like the mighty Quins …

 

I think I've got those lyrics slightly wrong. That's not quite what Gordon Jackson was singing, it's the adaptation they sing in Harlequins Rugby Club. But you get the idea.

 

 

Hashim Amla

 

I'M SURE all would agree that the Durban High School magazine was right on the button in what it had to say about Hashim Amla in its edition of 2000.

"A superb and gifted batsman who seems to make batting look fairly easy. He scores runs at will and the best aspect about his batting is his mature mental approach. He has the ability to go far in this game but just how far will be determined by his work ethic and desire to succeed. An astute captain who was not scared to speak his mind and do what was right for the team and not the individual. A useful first slip but he will have to work on his mobility and fielding as he moves up the ranks."

 

If I were Hashim I wouldn't worry too much about mobility and fielding. His place is safe.

 

The boomers

HITS OF THE 1960s are being revised to accommodate ageing baby boomers. Some examples:

·         Bobby Darin- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash.

·         Herman's Hermits - Mrs Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.

·         Ringo Starr - I Get By With A Little Help From Depends.

·         The Bee Gees - How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?

·         Roberta Flack - The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.

·         Johnny Nash - I Can't See Clearly Now.

·         Paul Simon - Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver.

·         The Commodores - Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom

·         Procol Harem - A Whiter Shade Of Hair.

·         Leo Sayer - You Make Me Feel Like Napping.

·         The Temptations - Papa's Got A Kidney Stone.

·         Abba - Denture Queen.

·         Tony Orlando - Knock Three Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.

·         Helen Reddy - I Am Woman; Hear Me Snore.

·         Leslie Gore - It's My Procedure, And I'll Cry If I Want To

·         Willie Nelson - On The Commode Again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tailpiece

THIS fellow and his wife go to a disco. A chap on the dance floor is going crazy: moonwalks, backflips – the lot.

He: "Take a look at that!"

She (open-mouthed): "I know that guy. Twenty-five years ago he proposed to me. I turned him down."

He: "He sure knows how to celebrate, does that guy!"

Last word

The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilisation.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

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