Otherwise much the same
THE NORTH wind doth blow and it will bring snow … the pugs, pekinese and chihuahuas of the Berea strain at the harness as they take the dog sled through the snow to the supermarket to pick up supplies. St Bernards are in huge demand.
The royal palms of the Esplanade are a frosted filigree worthy of any Christmas card. The vessels in the harbour are frozen at their moorings and there is talk on the radio news of hiring an icebreaker from Murmansk.
Penguins have taken over the pelican nesting sites at Blue Lagoon. Where once there were crocodiles in the Umgeni, polar bears are now being sighted. The moose has taken over at Umfolozi. His antlers are believed by people in the Far East to be a powerful aid to male sexual potency.
This global warming really is getting out of hand.
Mars probe
THE ROVER exploratory vehicle Curiosity is creeping across the surface of Mars in search of the building blocks of life. So far it hasn't found so much as a Kentucky Fried Chicken, but we must be patient. These building-blocks – fast food outlets, pubs and discos – will no doubt, in time, come within the sweep of its antennae.
What happens when Curiosity discovers the Martian equivalent of Sunset Boulevard? Flashing neon signs: "Girls! Poker! Margaritas!" That's when radio contact with Earth will abruptly terminate.
It's been a journey of millions of miles through space, costing gazillions of dollars. But it will be worth it to know there is life on Mars as we understand it.
Spider
A TINY spider discovered recently in Australia has been named after British TV naturalist Sir David Attenborough. The species Prethopalpus attenboroughi is found on Horn Island, off northern Queensland.
Sir David says he's honoured by the naming. But I wonder. Why did they previously call it the goblin spider?
Gong man
THIS week's comparing of the size the Olympic medals with the gong struck before the start of the old J Arthur Rank movies takes Neville Esterhuizen, of Addington Beach, back to the Free State goldfields of the late 1940s.
"Around 1947 I was employed by Anglo American when they started digging for the Welkom mines. At that time there were only two public drinking holes in the area, both of which were situated in Odendaalsrus.
"Working in one of them was a burly barman who claimed to be the man who struck the J Arthur Rank gong of yore. He was quite famous for this and attracted a lot attention. Maybe some other old-timers will remember him from those dusty and muddy days."
Meanwhile, George Hutchison, of Kwambonambi, says the strongman who beat a giant gong at the start of the movies was Bombadier Billy Wells, a British soldier and well-known boxer.
"The reason we know this is that the J Arthur Ranks films are about to hit the circuit here at last in Kwambonambi."
Yes, Kwambonambi always was a leader in film culture.
And a question arises. Did Bombardier Billy Wells become a barman in Odendaalsrus?
Posies
MEANWHILE, speaking of gongs, is it not curious the way medal-winners at the London Olympics are presented with a small posy of flowers – men as well as women?
Is this some process of androgynisation, to go with the acceptance this year of women's boxing as an Olympic sport? Or am I just incorrigibly old-fashioned?
Fish 'n chips
IF YOU'RE looking for a large fish 'n chips, Whitburn, in England, is the place to be.
Fishermen there hauled in a porbeagle shark, seven feet in length, and took it to the local seafood deli.
It might be a shark and it might be a protected species but nothing goes to waste in Whitburn. Into the frier it went.
How do they wrap such a large order? Well, fortunately there are a lot of special supplements out on the Olympics.
Tailpiece A SCOT is on a ski-ing holiday in Canada. After a hard day on the slopes he's downing a couple of whiskies. He notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall. He asks the barman: "Wha's that?" "It's a moose." "A moose! Guid gracious! What size are yer cats then?"
Last word
We are here and it is now. Further than that all human knowledge is moonshine.
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