Being a monkey
THE St Clements season of soirees has closed for a couple of months, yet where should I find myself the other night but back there listening to a gig by former DHS boy Roger Seldon, a wandering troubadour with guitar.
The place buzzed with Horseflies of course (which rather lowered the tone for we more fastidious fellows who were at school elsewhere) but what an entertaining evening. Roger – who in his spare time is a medical doctor in Canada – writes his own music and lyrics, sometimes borrowing from a poet or two he seems to know.
His guitar work is masterful. The lyrics are thoughtful and deep, often amusing. One song concerns an incident from his childhood when he put gloves on his feet to be able to imitate a monkey. It ended badly. If I remember the lyrics correctly:
Up in the trees,
Gloves on my feet,
Swingin' in the breeze,
Bein' a monkey …
Amazing what these DHS sixth-formers get up to.
Good cop
A LADY in the audience told me she was at Botanic Gardens the other morning when a policeman approached, carefully holding in his hands an Egyptian gosling (I suppose that's what you'd call the young of an Egyptian goose).
It had pitched up at the nearby police station the day before, he said. He took it home overnight for safekeeping. Now he wanted to release it back into the wild.
They put it on the lawn, wondering if the parents would reclaim it. They didn't have to wait long. Next thing a pair of Egyptian geese were there, hissing with indignation as they walked their offspring away to safety.
All's well. And that's the kind of cop I like.
Parrot science
AFRICAN grey parrots are smarter than the average two-year-old human, according to scientists in Vienna. They say human children start catching up only from the age of three.
The African greys were asked to choose between two boxes, one of which was empty. The other rattled because it had a walnut inside. The African grey parrots outsmarted the two-year-olds every time by shaking the box to see if it rattled. The kids were completely bamboozled.
This is astounding stuff. The march of science is relentless. Those Viennese scientists no doubt also discovered that African grey parrots don't wet their pants.
Supergal
OCCASIONAL contributor Sarita Mathur does her bit in celebration of Women's Month:
Splashes of colour, I can see,
These are the colours of my personality.
Bright and cheerful, good taste too,
Multi-tasking career woman and mother,
There is nothing I can't do.
Yes, a woman is phenomenal
In all she is and can do,
From childbearing and rearing,
From being hardworking to caring
A woman can be creative,
The world is there to see,
A woman is phenomenal,
I am sure you all agree.
So this is to women,
Young and old.
Your spirit is special,
The value more than platinum or gold.
A woman is phenomenal,
That is true,
So phenomenal woman,
This is for you.
Three aitches
ILLA Thompson sends in a snatch of dialogue between her sister, Helen, and her 10-year-old son Ben.
"Hey, Mum, did you know it's snowing today in Heineken?"
"Love, where is Heineken?"
"Ag Mum, half way between South Africa and Pietermaritzburg."
"Love, don't you mean Hilton or Howick, and halfway between Durban and Mooi River?"
"Ag, Mum - same place."
"No place is a beer."
Oh, I don't know, the kid's probably right. A couple of Heinekens and who cares if it's Hilton or Howick?
Games on
TOMORROW'S Highland Games at Fort Nottingham are still very much on. The Maclaine of Lochbuie (also known as Drambuie), patron of the gathering, says the forecast is a clearing of the weather tomorrow before it closes in again on Sunday.
So snow aboot on the hills and bright sunshine. Just like Bonnie Scotland on a guid day. Slainte!
Tailpiece
Doctor: "What's your physical activity level?"
Patient: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills."
Doctor: "You must be one heck of an outdoors man."
Patient: "No, I'm a terrible golfer."
Last word
Rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read.
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