They fall like ninepins
IN EUROPE the prime ministers have been falling like ninepins in the financial crisis. Now senior Tory MP Patrick Mercer has predicted that Britain's David Cameron will be "sacked" next spring.
It came at a party at a London art gallery where Mr Mercer, a former army officer, described Cameron as "the most despicable creature, without any redeeming features."
He went on to describe his prime minister as - let's use the slightly more polite American version – "an ass" and added, lest there be any misunderstanding: "I loathe him."
Asked where Mr Cameron had gone wrong, Mr Mercer said: "Well, he was born."
He also said: "I've never come across anyone less suited to the job in my life. I would take a beggar off the streets and put him in that position rather than have Cameron."
Mr Mercer now says it was all meant in a light-hearted way and points out that "this was a party where people had been drinking."
Yes, quite. But Labour have now seized on the remarks as clear evidence of Cameron's growing unpopularity among his own MPs.
With Mr Mercer, they could be on to something.
The full Monti
MEANWHILE, one of the ninepins to have fallen is Silvio Berlusconi in Italy. Readers of Private Eye magazine will miss the regular revues of Italian opera, focused on the Robber Baron and his escapades in his headquarters, Villa Fornicazione.
His successor, Mario Monti, is a respected economist and protagonist of the Euro as a currency, who is putting together a cabinet of technocrats to lift Italy out of the chasm.
He is no doubt exactly what Italy needs right now. But – sigh! – no more bunga-bunga.
Spotlight shifts
THE CRISIS in Italy has momentarily shifted the spotlight onto President Giorgio Napolitano, a person who would otherwise have remained unknown to most of us. Napolitano played a pivotal role in negotiating Berlusconi's resignation to make way for Monti's cabinet of technocrats
Napolitano. It's an interesting name. Was he named after the pizza or was the pizza named after him?
Toot, toot!
DUTCH scientists claim to have built the world's smallest electric car – a microscopic thing made of a single, carefully designed molecule. It is described as a tour de force in nanotechnology.
The molecule has four branches that act as wheels, rotating when a tiny metal tip applies a small current to them.
But don't get too excited. It seems we have not quite achieved the paradigm shift that will free us from reliance on the internal combustion engine and fossil fuels. With 10 electric bursts, the car was made to move six billionths of a metre. And this was in a vacuum at a blisteringly cold minus 266 degrees centigrade.
Building up from single, designed molecules is another matter, says Tibor Kudernac, a chemist at the University of Twente, in the Netherlands. Applications of nanotechnology for molecular machines like the car are probably far in the future. But he remains confident of eventual success.
These scientists need to get out more.
Money markets
THEY say that in these up-and-down periods of the international markets, there's one sure way to attract the attention of your stockbroker. Just snap your fingers and call: "Waiter! Waiter!"
Swiss account
WHAT do they put on the gravestone of a Swiss banker? A long list of coded numbers.
Long wait
THOUGHT for the day: "I don't mind coming to work but this eight-hour wait before going home is just nonsense!"
Tailpiece
A COUPLE are out shopping. In the liquor section the husband picks up a case of beers and puts it in their trolley.
"What do you think you're doing?"
"They're on special, only R30 for two dozen cans.".
"Put them back, it's a waste of money."
He puts them back and they carry on shopping. She picks up a R60 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?"
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful."
"So do 24 cans of beer and they're half the price."
Voice over the store PA: "Urgent! Will the first aid emergency group please proceed immediately to Aisle Five, Cosmetics …"
Last word
Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.
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