A wonderful world
SOMETIMES we need to stop for a moment, disengage from our immediate concerns and take a look at what is going on in the wider world.
· When his 38 calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
· The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine. He submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company sent out an assessor. He tried the machine and also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
· A man who had shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. He shot her.
· After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. The driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for three days.
· A man walked into a Louisiana shop, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and demanded all the cash in the register, which the clerk handed over. The man gunman took the cash fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The contents of the cash drawer: $15.
· As a female shopper left a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. A shop assistant phoned 911. The police apprehended the snatcher and drove him back to the store. He was told to stand there for a positive ID, to which he replied: "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
· A man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The cashier said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the cashier said they weren't available. Frustrated, the gunman walked away.
· When a man attempted to siphon petrol from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got more than he bargained for. Police found him curled up in the gutter retching. He'd plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying the guy had given him his best laugh in years.
Yes, it's all happening out there.
Time to live
SOME Buddhist wisdom. The Dalai Lama, asked what surprised him most about humanity, replied: "Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die and then he dies as if having never really lived."
Flying ants
DON'T get bugged by the flying ants, says Sally Bosch, of Kloof. The other night she turned her lights off for half an hour, the house cooled down and the little critters were gone.
Yeah, go with the flow, box clever.
Bluff turbines
IAN GIBSON, poet laureate of Hillcrest, gets in a few puffs on the controversial idea of wind turbines on the Bluff.
Wind turbines on the Bluff?
For birds and bats that's rough;
And a larney
Like Tony Carnie
Is sure to say, Enough is Enough!
Tailpiece
A GENT is in his front garden trying to launch a kite. Every time he throws it in the air the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing down.
His wife calls from the kitchen window: "You need a piece of tail."
"Make up your mind, will you? Last night you told me to go fly a kite!"
Last word
Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.
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