THE Emperor's clothes
YOU CAN'T fool a German cleaning frau. The Ostwall Museum, in Dortmund, had on display an ultra-modernist bit of art by Martin Kippenberger, entitled When It Starts Dripping From the Ceiling.
It consisted of a tower of wooden slats under which a rubber trough was placed, with a thin beige layer of paint representing dried rainwater. Lovely art.
But when the cleaning frau came on the scene, she took it for an unsightly mess. The least she could do was scrub clean the stain in the trough, which she did.
Horrors! Huge embarrassment! The work – valued at €800 000 – has been damaged beyond repair. It had been loaned to the museum by a private collector. And it's not the first time it's happened in Germany. In 1986 at the Academy of Fine Arts in Dusseldorf, a cleaner removed a "grease stain" by Joseph Beuys, valued at £346 000.
What does this remind us of? Of course, Hans Christian Anderson's story of the little boy who was the only one able to see that the Emperor had no clothes.
Strapless bra
HERE'S a lesson in simple basic economics.
The current financial markets are like a strapless bra ... half the people are wondering what's holding them up, whereas the other half are waiting for them to drop so they can grab the opportunity with both hands.
Yep, simple basic economics.
Hoot mon!
THE OTHER day we carried a Reuters photograph of a castle in Scotland, described as "Atholl Palace, in Pitlochry". We are sternly rebuked. It was in fact Blair Castle – 13 km from Pitlochry – which is the hereditary home of Clan Murray, headed by the Duke of Atholl – who just happens to live in Mpumalanga, South Africa.
The castle - originally just a fortress tower - dates from the mid-1200s. Over subsequent years it was extended and refashioned to suit the needs of the day. Most of the castle as it is seen today dates from the late 18th century.
The Dukes of Atholl are the only United Kingdom gentry still permitted by law to maintain a private army. The Atholl Highlanders are reviewed annually by either His Grace the Duke or his son, the Marquis of Tullibardine.
My informant: The Maclaine of Lochbuie, hereditary Chieftain of Clan Maclaine - who just happens to live in KwaZulu-Natal. Not only that, he's an executive of this newspaper, played cricket for many years for the Durban Press Club and is generally known as Drambuie.
Trashed by degrees
WE ARE DISMISSED by the Police of Leith; the Police of Leith dismisseth us. A formulation comes this way of the degrees of intoxication.
· Things that are difficult to say when drunk – innovative; preliminary; proliferation; cinnamon.
· Things that are very difficult to say when drunk – specificity; anti-constitutionalistically; passive-aggressive disorder; transubstantiate.
· Things that are downright impossible to say when drunk – "No thanks, I'm married"; "Nope, no more booze for me!"; "Sorry, but you're not really my type"; "Kebab? No thanks, I'm not hungry"; "Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?"; "Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke."; 'Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!"; "Where's the nearest bathroom? I refuse to widdle in this car park"; "I must be going home now, I have to work in the morning."
I really wouldn't know.
New entry
HERE comes a new dictionary definition:
Ineptocracy (in-ep-toc'-ra-cy) - A system of government where the least capable to lead are elected by the least capable of producing and where the members of society least likely to sustain themselves or succeed are rewarded with goods and services paid for by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers.
Yep. As is fashionable these days: In our lifetime!
Tailpiece
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the US Army.
On his first day in basic training, the army issued him a comb. That afternoon the army barber sheared off all his hair.
Next day, the army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
The following day the army issued him a jockstrap. The army has now been looking for Herman for 51 years.
Last word
Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
No comments:
Post a Comment