Scamper up the ratlines
HERE'S a blast from the past. Many of you will remember John Vigor, one of my illustrious predecessors. John wrote the Idler's column for many years, bringing a breath of the salt sea air plus driving the decimalisation goons in Pretoria crazy by refusing to accept that there were such things as kilograms or that weight had suddenly become mass. They were particularly irked by his insistence on describing a kilometre as a metric mile.
John left for America quite a few years ago (I think to escape decimals) and today writes yachting stuff from the port of Bellingham in Oregon state, just south of the Canadian border.
He returns today as a guest writer – not of his own accord but through the weird workings of cyberspace that also make it possible for a congressman in Washington to Twitter his cookies, enclosed in grey underpants, to a female college student in faraway Seattle.
Yes, I've burgled John's blog. As usual he's writing about grog. It's very interesting.
He says there's been a long tussle between puritans and libertarians over drinking. It was not always considered shameful to be drunk. In the 17th century the crews of sailing ships were served a half-pint of rum each per day, which is quite a lot. They would not have been allowed to drive cars (if there'd been cars in those days), yet managed to scamper up the ratlines to the foretopsails, and out along the yards to set, reef, or hand the canvas in all kinds of wind, wave, and weather.
Their rum ration was known as grog, named for "Old Grog," Admiral Edward Vernon (1684 – 1757). His nickname appears to have been derived from his favorite "grogram" or foul-weather cloak described as a "coarse fabric of silk, mohair, and wool, or these mixed, often stiffened with gum." It was Old Grog who first ordered that the rum ration be diluted because sailors were hoarding it then going really on the batter.
The rum ration continued in the Royal Navy until 1970, and British warships are to this day not dry, the way American ones are.
John says there was a suggestion recently that the skippers of American yachts should be tested for sobriety even while their vessels lay safely at anchor, because they were still technically in charge and might need to get under way at short notice..
"No more dark-'n-stormies in the cockpit after a long day's sail? Who could be so cruel?"
Aye, aye! I'm with you there, shipmate.
Do I feel ashamed at pillaging John's work like this? Not at all, he owes it to his old readers. But I will buy him a half-pint of rum at Point Yacht Club when he drops in next. Up spirits!
Waterspouts
THE OTHER day we speculated as to whether we also have waterspouts off our coast, similar to one in Australia? Also whether, as in Australia, sea creatures are sucked into the thing and deposited far inland? There might even be the possibility that waterspouts account for the appearance of weird political specimens in regions such as Limpopo.
Hardly had this appeared when a waterspout was spotted far out to sea off Scottburgh. Two readers – the Rev Andrew Luke and Peter Vos – have sent in photographs which show the waterspout clearly enough but unfortunately are too faint for reproduction in a newspaper.
"You asked if we get waterspouts on our coast," says Rev Luke. "Well, as it happens, we had one off Scottburgh yesterday - genuinely. People in the caravan site were lined up with binoculars watching. As yet, no new weird political specimens - but who needs new ones?"
Peter Vos says much the same. "It was a heck of a way out to sea. Fortunately it didn't make land, nor deposit any politicians, and fizzled out entirely in 15 minutes."
Tailpiece
A PHOTOGRAPHER is confronted by a ghost, who demands that his photograph be taken. The ghost poses for several shots and the photographer then hurries away with the scoop of the century. Unfortunately, as he develops the pictures in the darkroom, he discovers they are black and underexposed. Nothing at all is visible. Moral: The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.
Last word
First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time.
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