The Idler, Monday, June 13, 2011

One day, two adventures

CHRIS Christensen, of Assagay, writes in to ask if anyone remembers an incident "in the 1950s or 60s" when a photographer fell out of a Harvard aircraft over South Beach and was rescued by lifesavers. He cannot recall the photographer's name.

Well, as it happens, I can help. The photographer was Stanley Gee and he was taken up in the Harvard by Graeme Schwikkard, a fighter pilot in the South African Air Force during World War II who in the early 1950s was in the air force reserve.

They went up to get pictures in the air of the SAAF's new Vampire jets. Gee was in the rear cockpit with the canopy open.

Louis Botha airport had just opened but the air force was still based at Stamford Hill Aerodrome, which had been a fighter base during the war.

Flying north over the Bay, the Vampires flew over the Harvard then suddenly went into a steep dive, presumably to avoid the flight path to Louis Botha. Schwikkard also dived. When he came out of it, he asked Gee through the communication tube if he was all right. No reply. When he asked a second time and there was still no reply, Schwikkard turned round and saw the rear cockpit was empty.

 

Gravity had caused Gee to pop out like a cork. He must have had his seatbelt undone (though he denied it at the subsequent inquiry). It was compulsory to wear parachutes in SAAF aircraft and, even though he had never parachuted in his life, Gee managed to open his chute. Schwikkard saw him floating down into the sea.

 

Both were badly shaken by the incident and in the Air Force Club that night inflicted severe damage on a bottle of whisky. However, Gee's adventures were not quite over for the day.

 

When Schwikkard drove him home late that night, they were met by a fuming Mrs Gee. Stanley Gee tried to explain. "You see, my dear, I fell out of an aeroplane …"

 

At which his wife gave him a klap you could hear four blocks away.

 

Colourful character

 

GRAEME Schwikkard was a colourful character who farmed at Umvoti Mouth. He had an airstrip there on which he would land his private aircraft after dark and without lights on the ground. I'm obliged for the above information to his son, Dave, who is gathering together his father's memoirs.

 

The story of Stanley Gee's parachuting exploit became slightly embellished over the years. Once Schwikkard flew two passengers to Swaziland and was asked if he knew the "true" story about the fellow who was ogling the girls on South Beach and fell out of the aircraft, he was paying such close attention.

 

Just as well that didn't come out at the time. Mrs Gee would have taken his head off.

 

 

 

 

Marxist mayor

IN HIS LATEST grumpy newsletter, investment analyst Dr James Greener notes that Durban is now probably the largest city, outside China and North Korea, to have a communist as mayor.

"Mayor James Nxumalo, draped with the city's R2.3m mayoral chain of office, looked rather un-proletarian but declared himself to be an activist and servant of the people without any aspiration to being a capitalist. Well that sounds very good then. Good luck, James."

Hold-up line

WHAT do interior decorators shout at a stick-up?

Frieze!

Quirky one

ANOTHER quirky limerick by Kirk Miller.

The weather gal's boyfriend named Joe

Said, "Honey, I'd sure like to know

When rain pours from the sky

Where up there is it dry?"

She said, "Somewhere over the rain, beau."

Tailpiece

A SUSPICIOUS husband hires a Chinese private detective to follow his wife. He reports as follows:

Most honorable sir,

You leave house. I watch house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go hotel. I climb tree. I look window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall off tree. I no see.

No fee,
Cheng Lee

Last word

I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding a charge.