The gamebreaker chimp
SCIENTIFIC researchers in Leipzig, Germany, were very impressed with the problem-solving capabilities of chimpanzees in the local zoo. The researchers would place a peanut to float on a small quantity of water in the bottom of a vertical glass tube, out of the chimps' reach.
Nearby they would place a water dispenser. The chimps discovered that by taking water from the dispenser then walking across to the peanut tube and spitting in the water, they could gradually raise the level until they could reach the peanut.
Hey, pretty good. But then along came the gamebreaker chimp, the thinker outside the box, the Einstein of the ape world. Instead of spitting water into the peanut tube, gradually raising the level, he widdled into it.
The peanut rose swiftly to within reach, at which he grabbed it and chomped it, regardless of its being soaked in urine.
We all know humans with similar characteristics. They might be brilliantly clever but they lack the social graces. They absolutely ruin a party.
Very silly
HIGH court super-injunctions – preventing newspapers from naming certain people and the lurid details of their sex lives – continue to make the news in Britain as Twitter names them with impunity. How can this continue?
Satirical magazine Private Eye has one of its more splendid covers. Under the headline "Complete Twitters", a procession of judges make their way down a street outside the law courts in their wigs, scarlet robes and gaiters.
"These super-injunctions could make us look very silly indeed!" says a speaks bubble from one of their lordships.
Harbour options
IT'S DISTURBING, this report on declining water quality in the harbour. The authorities just have to get their act together and clean up industry and clean up the rivers that seem to be doing most of the damage. Otherwise a wonderful resource and amenity could be destroyed.
And here's twopence hapen'orth. If they're thinking of dredging the old airport into a container port, why not go the whole hog and make a second entrance to the main harbour as well, at the Bayhead via the Umlaas Cut?
Imagine the increased tidal flow. Imagine the contentment of the folk on the Bluff who would at last be an independent island, the way they've always wanted.
It's not a completely crackpot idea. The Smuts government had it planned in the '30s but were overtaken by World War II, then the Nats.
Navigational error
WHOOPS! Geography never was my strong point. Yesterday I placed my old colleague, John Vigor, in the American state of Oregon. He actually operates from Bellingham (which I got right) in the state of Washington.
To compensate, I now provide pinpoint accuracy by telling you Bellingham is in Whatcom County. So there!
District Columbia
THE ABOVE recalls the encounter Van der Merwe had with an American (during the days of the old vehicle registrations).
"My name's Hiram J Schuster III, from Washington DC."
"I'm Koos van der Merwe from Johannesburg TJ."
New wine
NEWS from Down Under. South Australian vintners in the Barossa Valley area, who primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the loo during the night.
The new wine will be marketed as Pinot More.
Better days?
IAN GIBSON, bard of Hillcrest, says we should all welcome the new mayoral team at city hall and pens a few lines in hope of better days to come.
Durban's previous council and mayor
Disliked the "colonialist" rate-payer;
And changed street names
To punish past shames.
Will the new mayor be a less punitive player?
Tailpiece
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