Not a dry eye
WHERE were you when Kate and Wills tied the knot? Myself I was in a dentist's chair, watching the proceedings on a small TV screen suspended from the ceiling. Nothing like a royal wedding to take the mind off what the fellow is doing to your mouth. It's better than Novocaine.
Ah, the jingle of harness in the Mall. What pageantry, what a splash of colour. And what a dish Katie is. I suppose in the fullness of time she will be known as Queen Catherine, but to we proles she will be Queen Katie.
The uniforms. The hats. Fashion-wise, I think the Archbishop of Canterbury stole the show with his gold brocade vestments and he was certainly way ahead in the hat stakes. His mitre pipped even Victoria Beckham's little blue number she had perched on her fringe.
The Guards, the Royal Marines, the Household Cavalry, the Royal Air Force ... Prince Harry looking like he'd just been shipwrecked and had no chance to comb his hair. Yep, the Brits certainly know how to do it.
And, of course, there was Kate's wedding gown, a creation the anticipation of which has kept us awake of nights. The fashionistas are in raptures. I have to admit, to me it was like most wedding dresses. White.
And Kate's sister Pippa following her, carrying the train. Wow! There's another corker! Watch this space!
Cartwheels
ONE OF THE best moments was that verger in Westminster Abbey doing cartwheels down the aisle when everyone had left and he thought the TV cameras had gone also. He captured the essence of the whole thing.
Cartwheels are probably provided for somewhere in the Book of Common Prayer.
Lip service
IT SEEMS sections of the British media engaged the services of lip readers so they could tell what William and Kate were saying to each other privately. Some protest that this was an invasion of privacy.
But at least they didn't hire ventriloquists. "'Ere, wipe your nose!" That could have been most invasive and disruptive.
Hatless Sam
IT SEEMS Samantha Cameron, wife of the prime minister, was the only woman in Westminster Abbey not wearing a hat.
These Tories – you can't take them anywhere.
Just wed
IT WAS A nice touch, Kate and William setting off in Prince Charles's Aston-Martin, dragging the usual "just married" clutter.
Their licence plate read: "JUST WED". I'm sure that wasn't legal.
Just as well they didn't meet up with one of those sour City of Westminster traffic wardens.
Anti-royals
AN OCCASION such as a royal wedding always brings to the fore a group of tedious people calling themselves repooblicans (They seem mainly to hail from the north of England). Sure enough, the repooblicans – tieless and condescending from their intellectual heights - had their say. They also held mass rallies all over Britain – in telephone booths.
Paradox
MONARCHY is a paradox. It ought to belong in a museum, yet it's alive, kicking and a vital part of 21st century democracy in Europe. People prefer the royals to the political class. There's an intuitive mutual empathy.
Also, constitutional monarchy puts things into perspective, into balance. David Cameron has to go on his knees and kiss the hands of his Queen. It tells him he's not entirely the big cheese. The general salutes his Queen, not his prime minister. There's no room for a generalissimo to take over.
Spain fought a horrid civil war then had decades of fascism under Franco. Restoration of the monarchy was a necessary part of returning the country to stability, democracy and prosperity.
Belgium has lacked a government for months. But it still has a king. Vive le Roi!
It frustrates the hell out of repooblicans. But it's the reality.
Tailpiece
VAN DER MERWE was in London for the royal wedding. He joined the celebrations with such enthusiasm that when he weaved his way into the umpteenth bar, the landlord refused to serve him. "Sorry sir, you've had enough."
"Whaddayou mean, enough? I'm just starting!"
"Sorry, you're drunk. We can't serve you."
At which Van slowly took a matchbox from his pocket. He opened it, tapped it and two white ants dropped onto the bar counter.
"Okay, boys – wreck the joint!"
Last word
What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
GRAHAM LINSCOTT
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