The Idler, Wednesday, October 23, 2019

The schmucks

kybosh

great offer

THE Democrats, the fake news media and other schmucks have kyboshed President Donald Trump's plan to host next year's G7 summit at his Doral Golf Club resort in Florida.

Withdrawing the offer, he told them all off in a tweet: ""I thought I was doing something very good for our Country by using Trump National Doral, in Miami, for hosting the G-7 Leaders. It is big, grand, on hundreds of acres, next to MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, has tremendous ballrooms & meeting rooms, and each delegation would have its own 50 to 70 unit building." .

"I announced that I would be willing to do it at NO PROFIT or, if legally permissible, at ZERO COST to the USA. But, as usual, the Hostile Media & their Democrat Partners went CRAZY!"

However, all is not lost, according to the New Yorker. Trump has offered recently-escaped Isis fighters a group rate at the Trump National Doral Miami.

"I am giving Isis a group rate that entitles them to the full run of the golf course, the spa, you name it, This is going to make the Isis people very, very happy."

The fighters can qualify for the group rate by presenting proof of Isis membership and their recently freed status, Trump said. He declined to say whether he would extend the same group rate to Kurdish fighters in Syria.

"I'm not a fan of the Kurds," he said. "Where were the Kurds in 1776 when George Washington took control of the British airports?"

Yes, this is satirist Andy Borowitz again. I think he might be having us on.

 

Brexit tradition

A MESSAGE from the future: "The year is 2192. The British prime minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension to the Brexit deadline. No-one remembers where the tradition originated but every year it attracts many tourists from all over the world."

 

 

Top job

READER Linda Nel says she met up with an old university classmate and asked what he was doing. He said he was working on "aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment".

"I was impressed. But it turned out he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision."

Linda, I'm afraid that's the fate of so many of our brilliant scientists.

 

 

Black and white

 

STRIPED cows could be the future in dairy operations. Zebra-like black and white stripes on cows have reduced insect bites by 50%, according to Huffington Post.

Cows painted like zebras were kept alongside blacks ones in an experiment in Japan. Scientists believe that biting flies are discouraged to land on black and white zebras – or any black and white surface – because of a polarisation of light that affects them.

Painting cows with zebra stripes could cut down enormously on expensive pesticides.

Hmmm. We're getting into mozzie season here in Durban. How long before some entrepreneur sets up shop, painting people with black and white stripes to drive off the mozzies? (If the paint doesn't come off too easily, no worries. If it lasts into rugby season, black and white is the right combination for King's Park).

 

 

Tailpiece

 

AVIATION tip. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. (Unless you keep pulling the stick back – then they get bigger again).

 

 

Last word

 

If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. - Bill Vaughan