Ringtones
in the courts
of law
A HIGH court judge in London was hearing a case when suddenly a cellphone ringtone of the rhythm and blues classic Soul Limbo resounded through the courtroom.
Who was the culprit? None other than Judge David Holland, according to Sky News.
"I'm sorry," he said as he switched off his phone. "Very rude of me."
It recalls an incident in the Durban High Court some years ago now. My daughter was a junior advocate sitting in on a case. The proceedings were interrupted by several cellphones going off, greatly irritating the judge.
"The next cellphone to ring I'm going to confiscate until Christmas," she said.
The case proceeded. Then suddenly a cellphone began ringing. The judge looked up in exasperation. Then, to my daughter's horror, she realised the sound was coming from her own briefcase.
The judge's clerk was making for the briefcase like a questing bloodhound …
But I need to go back a bit. That morning I'd given my daughter a lift to her chambers. When I got to my office I found I did not have my cellphone. It was not in my car either. I borrowed a colleague's phone and dialled my number to see if anyone answered …
In the courtroom the judge's clerk pounced on my daughter's briefcase and took from it a ringing cellphone which she recognised as her dad's. He switched if off and triumphantly took it to the judge.
At the tea break my daughter got hold of the judge's clerk and explained what had happened. She'd mistakenly put my phone in her briefcase and had been absolutely unaware it was there.
He said he'd see what he could do and made for the judge's chambers. Waiting in the corridor outside, she heard peals of laughter. Then the clerk returned with my cellphone, handing it over "with Her Ladyship's compliments."
I have great faith in our judicial system.
Atmosphere
THE orderly, dignified atmosphere of the courtroom is essential. Nothing should be allowed to disturb it.
In days now distant I would on occasion cover high court cases in Maritzburg. With me often was a retired journalist named Dick, representing another newspaper. Dick was a repository of salacious social gossip going back to the 1930s. He was also stone deaf and when in court spoke in a loud stage whisper. He joined me one morning.
"I see it's 'Judge X' ," he said in the loud stage whisper.
Judge X looked up to see who was talking about him.
"He's looking a bit ancient and clapped out," said Dick. "But he was a ram in his day."
I fled from the courtroom.
Another time: "I see it's 'Judge Y'. Fat as a pig these days, isn't he? Drinks like a fish, y'know. I once saw Abe Liebenberg throw him down the stairs." (Abe Liebenberg was a local amateur boxing champion plus ballroom dancing champion). Again I fled the courtroom.
But Dick led a charmed existence. Nothing ever happened to him. He knew too much gossip about people in high places.
Tailpiece
A FARMER is milking his cow in the barn. He's got a good rhythm going. A fly starts buzzing about. Then it goes into the cow's ear.
Next it squirts out into the milk pail. In one ear and out de udder.
Last word
What a pity, when Christopher Colombus discovered America, that he ever mentioned it.
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