Cigars, guitars
and a lying
lover
ST CLEMENT'S to the rescue! Earlier this week, Sue Davies, of Hilton, asked if anyone could supply the lyrics of a song that was sung by the British Lions during their rugby tour of this country in 1955.
It was about a young lady who sat on the verandah smoking a cigar while beside her a fellow played his guitar.
Bang on Рa response comes from Sally Stretch, a stalwart of the St Clement's arts soiree (and custodian of the most astonishing collection of risqu̩ limericks).
Sally's version is slightly different though. In the song she recalls, it was the girl who played the guitar and the fellow who smoked the cigar. Also, she sat not on a verandah but by a window (or sometimes in a hammock).
But no matter. Here goes:
She sat by the window and played a guitar,
Played a guita-a-a-ar.
He sat down beside her and smoked a cigar,
Smoked a ciga-a-a-ar.
He told her he loved her but oh how he lied!
Oh how he li-i-i-ied!
She then caught a fever and boo hoo! - she died,
Boo hoo, she di-i-i-ied.
He went to the funeral just for the ride,
Just for the ri-i-i-ied.
He sat on the coffin and laughed 'til he cried,
Laughed 'til he cri-i-i-ied.
(Rotten bastard! – but that's Sally's interpellation, not part of the song).
He then caught a fever and ho ho! - he died,
Ho ho! - he di-i-i-ied.
She went up to heaven - flip flap she flied,
Flip flap she fli-i-i-ied.
He went down to hell where he frizzled and fried,
Frizzled and fri-i-i-ied.
The moral of this story is 'Never tell lies',
'Never tell li-i-i-ies'.
Sally hopes this helps Sue. She says that, in her opinion, this is not exactly the stuff of rugby songs. She's surprised the British Lions sang it.
But then, given her stock of raunchy limericks, Sally has exacting standards.
Time, gentlemen …
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties" "What's the difference between Faf de Klerk and time? Time passes."
Squiff put-ins
I COULDN'T agree more with rugby writer Mike Greenaway about the lunacy of the law forbidding a crooked put-in to the scrum having been ignored ever since the dawn of professional rugby.
Then when referee Jaco Peyper lapses by awarding a penalty to Japan for a crooked put-in by Samoa, it becomes a controversy – even though the ruling is fully in accord with the law as it stands. Crazy!
Should crooked line-out throw-ins then be allowed? Never! But why scrums?
The current fudge reflects a compromise with quarters that, as professionalism came in, wanted scrums to be replaced by the Rugby League monkey-scrum. The compromise removes from the game the glorious uncertainty created by the possibility of a tighthead heel.
Rugby is the poorer for it. Besides, the current hypocritical set-up is simply cock-eyed. Let's get it right.
Tailpiece
A FLEA jumps over the wing doors of a saloon, drinks three whiskies then jumps out again.
He picks himself up out of the dirt, dusts himself down and says: "Okay. Who moved my dog?"
Last word
A rumour without a leg to stand on will get around some other way. -John Tudor
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