The Idler, Monday, October 1, 2018

Monkey disposed

of – gorilla

awaits

 

SHOSHOLOZA! The monkey is off our back. The Boks somehow hung on against Australia in Port Elizabeth on Saturday, in spite of a possession rate of only about 40%, reflected in our having to make twice as many tackles as them. White-knuckle stuff.

Perhaps that 60% possession stat for the Aussies has something to do with our habit of kicking away possession and missing vital touch kicks, not to mention the enormous penalty count against.

The Aussies launched wave after wave of attack after these lapses. While the tackling was again heroic, there are better ways to win a rugby match, like running at them ball in hand.

The Boks have a mountain to climb at Loftus. Two in a row against the All Blacks is a big ask. But running at them rather than just tackling them would be a help.

Meanwhile, at Newlands the silly buggers factor was rampant - at least three passes spilled on the Western Province tryline; Province allowed to escape from their own 22 to score two tries, absolutely against the run of play. Mama mia!

The Sharks actually did a lot better than the final score suggests. They fought back from early disaster and were still in the game right up to the final quarter. But you can't beat the SBF.

We're still in the hunt for a semi-final place, needing to beat Griquas. But anything can happen. It's an away game and the SBF is known to thrive at Kimberley.

Another fascinating rugby double-header lies ahead. It's been quite a season for drama at both levels, international and Currie Cup.

 

INVESTMENT analyst Dr James Greener in his latest grumpy newsletter welcomes the apparent repeal of stringent visa requirements for tourists.

"There's been plenty of talking but among the few things that may have happened is the repeal of a section of the visa regulations by the minister who was responsible a few years ago for introducing them in the first place.

"They were decidedly unfriendly and scared off planeloads of foreign visitors who allegedly were queuing up to bring us bucketloads of money.

"Unfortunately, today there are other things making potential visitors and investors wary, like the terrifying levels of violent crime and a threatened withdrawal of the legal enforcement and protection of certain property rights.

"People who are used to living without these threats are understandably picky when it comes to choosing a place to park either their money or their sun-starved, wine-deficient bodies."

 

 

IN FRANCE there's a monsieur who sleeps with an alligator while another one keeps watch at the door. A cobra lives on the coffee table and a 50kg tortoise roams the garden.

It's the home of reptile enthusiast Phillipe Gillet at Coueron, on the banks of the River Loire, according to Huffington Post.

He sleeps with an alligator? Well, what woman would move in with a fellow who has 400 pets that include rattlesnakes, tarantulas and large lizards?

Eek!

 

 

 

Tailpiece

 

A PASSENGER on the Night Caledonian in Scotland tells an attendant he simply has to be wakened and put off the train in Perth. "I'm a heavy sleeper but I must get off there. I want you to put me off, whatever I say."

Next morning he wakes up at Inverness. He finds the attendant and rages at him.

Afterwards another attendant asks: "What put him in such a temper?"

"Och, that's nothin'. Ye should've seen the one I put off at Perth."

 

Last word

 

I don't believe in astrology, I'm a Sagittarius and we're sceptical. - Arthur C Clarke